Hurricanes Suck!

Having lived through the aftermath of Andrew in Miami, and subjecting an unwitting Zaron to the same, I thought I had seen the worst a "little wind and rain" could do to a place, that is until I saw those images of The Big Easy and Gulfport on the news. Sure, Andrew
was a sonofabitch...and wading was required, but on the all I believe that Miami and Homestead had it a little easier than the poor souls that found themselves in the path of this one, for a couple of reasons - Construction and sealevel to name a couple as well as the mere size and speed of the bitch.

Most of South Florida is constructed of concrete, and must conform to strict building codes, not to trivialize the damages- they were pretty ghastly- but most of the homes had at least the walls intact to protect the residents that were reluctant to leave.
In contrast, most of the homes in the wake of Katrina were wooden, and a bit older resulting in death amidst shattered toothpicks.

South Florida is above sea level, a great portion of New Orleans is actually BELOW sea level, and that's before the storm surge, this was a disaster waiting to happen, what just ran off into the sea after Andrew, ran into the river and lake in New Orleans, broke the levies and drowned the city.

Yeah, I know that every talking head of the television world has probabaly said the same things....But that job opportunity in Indiana is beginning to look a little more attractive....Now if I could convince my sister and parents (who live in Tampa and West Palm Beach) to go with me, perhaps I'd breath a little easier as the next 'wave' leaves the coast of Africa.

Wanderings

I have increasingly gotten into the habit of just thinking about stuff while I do the portion of my work that doesn't involve talking on the phone or handling people eye to eye.... Yeah, I know that it's not that constructive, but right now I'm pretty much waiting on callbacks for other jobs that possibly won't keep me stressed to the point of freakout, and, let's face it, there's not a lot that I really can do to save this place from its inevitable demise at the rate things are going. C'mon....the owner had to leave and get a job in a factory to support his family; getting struck by an ocean liner in the Sahara desert shouldn't be as alarming as that little tidbit of knowledge...

But I digress from my digressions....

Some thoughts: In many Eastern cultures it is customary to greet a fellow humans with a bow; this is to aknowledge, and show mutual respect for, the devine spark within. However in Western cultures we greet one another with the customary handshake, which came about as a nonverbal way of stating the pleasant greeting, "Hey, I'm not holding a weapon in my hand either!"

Which got me to wondering, 'How many other things in our day to day experiences came about as a function of the white man's desire for conquest and domination of the rest of the world and each other?'

Spiral staircases generally wind upwards in a clockwise helix, so as to give the right handed dude decending the stairs an advantage of swinging a sword or club to better effect than the determined ascender with his weapon in the same hand.

Men's shirts and jackets have the buttons on the right hand side,
with the left overlapping, so we may unbutton them more easily with our left hands while reaching in with the right to retrieve our handy ginsu pigsticker or, later in history, our gun.

Exterior doors, on houses and the like, traditionally swing inward, so as to not leave the hingepins exposed to be plucked out by thieves or miscreants.


And so on to the destructive nature of greed:

Didya know that in the late 1800's an inventor by the name of Hiram Maxim was annoying the piss out of Thomas Edison?
With more than 200 patents to his name, who could blame him, after all, who was the famous inventor here anyway? So our boy Tom gets another of his great ideas, decides that he'd best be rid of the competition, and bribes Maxim to go to Europe, which he does.
After a little while there he winds up going to the Paris Exhibition to show off some of his handywork and runs into a guy who gives him a little advise; "If you want to get rich, you should invent a better way for these Europeans to kill each other."
Maxim takes this to heart and invents a little thing he calls, "The Devil's Paintbrush". Better known as the Maxim Gun, the world's first fully automatic belt-fed machine gun is immediatly snatched up by the British, Maxim is knighted, and countless millions of native people in Africa, and other places in the empire, that were standing in the way of Britsh progress and expansion are mowed down while defending their homelands with spears and clubs.

Not that we should blame Edison...

It would seem that our human nature, and our spark of creativity, go hand in hand. So much of what we know today rests on the bones of our ancestors that simply wanted to get ahead, and really didn't see anything wrong with busting some heads and kicking some asses in the process. Besides the obvious fact that we're living on land that was once inhabited by another race and culture there are some, perhaps less obvious, things that we take for granted that came about because of war:
1) The domestication of the Hamster (brought home as pets by
soldiers)
2)M&M candies (chocolate energy food from WWI)
3)Kleenex (originally these were gas-mask filters, hence the handy
pop-up dispenser box)
4)Space exploration (the Germans weren't wanting to send a man to
the Moon, but they got pretty good at building rockets)
5)Pasta (a good way to transport food, just boil and eat, because
bread gets moldy)
6)The digital computer (To crack codes and calculate trajectories)
......armor, guns, bigger guns, metal ships, the internet, and on and on until we all learn to get along, simply anihilate each other or run out of the resources we need to build things to kick each other's asses.
I, for one, hope we all just learn to get along. There will always be some screwed-up individuals that want to blow shit up to get their points across, whether they're Al-Quada, or some redneck militia in Michigan. But by and large, I think the Idea of "conquest and conquer" of one nation by another for the glory of its King and desire for resources will eventually come to an end.....hopefully soon after the next presidential election.

Well that's about all I can come up with, see ya Monday.

The Jake Brake

Almost all "big rigs" (that's 'articulated loreys' to some folks outside the States) have a device called a "jake" or compression brake....the purpose of this device is to restrict the exhaust and therefore increase the slowing power of downshifting.

-a must in mountainous areas where the heat generated by constant braking would cause the regular brakes to overheat and fail, perhaps spoiling the plans that some poor Honda-driving fellow might have for the upcoming weekend. Everybody has heard the roar and popping that accompanies a big truck that's coming to an abrupt stop or decending a hill.

But the Jake alone won't stop the truck as long as the engine is running.

By now you're probably wondering,"What's up with the Mr Wizard talk?"
Truth is that I'm going through one of those 'jake brake' times in my life. I'm sure we've all done it before, you just kinda' slow down for a moment and think about what's up and where your life is taking you, slow down because life just don't stop (until you croak).

I've done this a few times before:
a) when I met my now ex-wife
b)when I turned down a non-union job at a union company that would have centered around putting union workers out of work (yikes)
c) when it finally sunk into my thick, love-addeled skull that my marriage was not worth saving.
To name some examples.

Now, I find myself wondering, once again, if I'm heading in the right direction and if I need to prepare for a sharp curve ahead. And if all the abrupt changes/decisions I'm facing in the immediate future are only just the fast downhill before the next climb brings me to the top of a higher mountain.

A couple of things have come up lately, I hate to be vague, but I just want to figure it out for myself, don't worry, I'll blog on the developments in due time. It's just that things seem to be going a little quicker than I feel they should and it's making me a little uneasy.

Intensity Modulated Phantoms

Hoo boy,
I've been drawing more than my fair share of blanks to post as of late... I went for a wander about what little of the web I could explore on dial-up, and yet still managed to come back less that dissatified.

Yeah, I know that I've got this one on vinyl with the lyrics right there on the cover, but that's at home and I can't blog from there (for now at least). But it is one of my favorites, and one of the few things from Austrailia that don't seem cheesy when cast in the spotlight of American pop culture. If you didn't get a chance to see this played as an opener to 'Scrubs', then you missed somethin', brother:

Men at Work: 'Overkill' (Which, strangely enough, isn't on the album "Overkill", but "Cargo" and a few later ones)

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps it's just my imagination


(chorus)
Day after day it reappears
Night after night
My heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night
from overkill

(repeat chorus)

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
and possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
It's just overkill!

(repeat chorus....and get all somber-like about it, then fade out)

-------------------

One of my favorites, perhaps I should learn to play it on the guitar....

The Moon was full.....that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

There it was, Friday night and I was in the same mood as when I posted my last blog, after completing those tasks, and drinking a substantial amount of that fabulous exlir known as coffee, I found myself sitting at home with a caffiene buzz and nothing to do.

They say that the devil is afoot on full moon nights.

I went down to the usual spot seeking something to stop the nervous vibrations....and found it, gratis and in great quantity.



"Geez guys, no more, are you trying to kill me! I just wanted one beer, be around people who aren't wanting me to work miracles with cheap electronics, and kill a coffee buzz!"

Then my cell went off....(It doesn't do that often enough for me to get used to the sensation of something vibrating in the waistline)
and when I recovered my senses I found out it was Miss H.

That's when my evening went haywire...

I have known Miss H for a while now and we'd talked now and again, kinda' keeping in touch. She'd mentioned that she had a TV that she wanted me to look at and I'd said I'd check it out if she'd drop it off... but the opportunity had never presented in our busy schedules for that to occur. Anyway, she said she might be able to drop it off in "a while", and I honestly didn't take it seriously and went back to discussing the installation of 2 more flat panel monitors with the owner, who insisted in periodically toasting the prospect of the business deal with MIND ERASERS.

Then the cell went off again..."I'm on the way to your place with the TV now....What you're still there....OK, It'll take me about 30 minutes anyway, can you meet me?"

Suddenly I realize that she's serious, and I jump into action like Batman, I pay for my one beer....confirm the order with the owner and instantly feel hyped and drunk at the same time.

I grabbed a cab, and remembered that I hadn't cleaned the catbox.

Home in a flash, I run in and start scooping the litter and then catch myself, "What the hell am I doing? She's just dropping off a TV...don't be a fool, just add some litter and baking soda...and for Godsakes, drink some coffee you Idiot! This is business, and it already looks bad enough, wash your face, spray some deoderizer and put things into perspective!"

15 minutes later, a calmer, business-oriented-looking drunken fool opens the door to see Miss H standing there with:
1)a 1963 Two toned portable with chrome accents
2)a chihuahua
3)beer

And then things got wierd...
I had already made my mind up not to date this woman, no, it's not that she's not kinda cute, she's a pixie, it's the other stuff.
Perhaps it sounds a little hypocritical, but she's totally random and a touch obsessive compulsive. But we had fun, she dusted my shelves (no innuendo or pun here) and reorganized objects. She modeled my hat collection (I have pictures), Gave treats to my cat (she brought them herself, even though she doesn't own a cat), Smelled all my pipe tobaccos, and commented on the fact that she too has 3 month old milk in the fridge that's about to explode (I cleaned that out after she left, it was that wierd of a comment).
We then spent another hour or so discussing religion and politics before, in the breaking daylight, she left.

Ok, the moon was full... but from now on:

Nobody brings me a TV to repair after 11pm....
Unless they happen to be a pixielike 20 something obsessive compusive woman bearing beer, a chihuahua and a willingness to clean the place.....and then I still might not consider it unless I'm drunk,the TV is a classic made before 1970,you give treats to my cat...and you insist on me taking pictures of you modeling my hats!

I am, after all, nobody's fool.

Friday Night

Well, once again the big wheel has made enough revolutions to bring me to Friday and, as usual, I'm tired, covered in the filth that collects in TV's, and not in much of a mood to do much of anything.

God, I can't wait to get out of this place.....permanently. No amount of money is worth the stress I go through day after day.

And now it's time to empty the trashcans, shuffle some TVs around, clear the history of this browser, put the paperwork in order and get the hell out......Until sometime tomorrow.......DAMMIT!

The Machine

I had a pretty wierd dream last night.
I found myself standing outside of the universe, observing the whole thing as though it was a vast machine moving to a single, purposeful end. I found this a little assuring, as it seemed as simplistic as a bus moving down the highway toward it's destination, its passengers being all of humanity. And I likened it to a Greyhound charter on its way to some great wholesome family vacation spot.

Being interested in machines I begged the designer to let me see it's inner workings. Perhaps, I thought, I could deduce it's purpose and destination by understanding its characteristics, design and structure, as I had done before with other mechanisms. The designer finally conceded and showed me the diagram.....and well, there it was, the engine that drives all we know. It consisted of uncountable parts each perfoming uncountable functions and the parts constantly changed in form and function as they interacted with all the parts that surrounded them...these parts were nothing less than everything known and unknown, that ever was or will be.

I took out a magnifying glass, and focused on the least complicated portion only to see a child, who by interacting with a parent changes the parent, who interacts with a coworker and suggests a new car that interacts with the air.......


And then I woke up with the feeling that somehow it may be in some way significant that my cat is shedding..... And even with a diagram of the chaos, neither I, nor anybody else could ever know.

A Chronic Case of "The Cooties"

They say that smell is perhaps the strongest trigger for the recall of memories. And though I've witnessed the effect of this (My father, a survivor of the 'mishap' and subsequent fire aboard the USS Forrestal, still gets physically ill and terribly shaken at the smell of burning hair), I had never had it happen to me, until this evening.

There I was, driving around suburbia on service calls when, it hit me like a tidal wave. Perhaps it was the fresh mown grass in the decending fog, maybe it was some flowering bush or something but the result was unmistakable, and albeit a little alarming.

Sniff sniff....whoa...Suddenly, I recall something that I never remembered before, and quite possibly kept repressed, in amazing full detail.

It was like instantly being a kid again: Catching lightening bugs, harassing the dog, making mud puddles with the garden hose, and actually waking up before 9:00 on Saturday...for the serious business of watching Looney Tunes.

But these are just the reassuring things I think of to put into context the memories of Daycare, and how I aquired what was then seen by my peers as a chronic case of "The Cooties".

My mother, a schoolteacher, had decided to go back to college for her masters degree, and that meant one thing I dreaded more than anything....after school daycare. I must have been in 1st grade then and my options for daycare activities were pretty limited, I was too small to play ball with the big kids, and the lady who ran the place wasn't much for company, or supervision. So I would just sit there watching TV or go outside and play with rocks or the fragments of thousands of broken toys. It was on one of those days when it happened. There I was, just minding my own business when one of the girls my age grabbed my hand and announced that she wanted to play 'house'. Her name was Ashley, and she had cowboy boots (I remember thinking - perhaps in less eloquent language- What justice could exist in a world where a girl could have cowboy boots and all I ever get are Zips?). She then announced that I was the husband, and the one-armed doll was the baby. I was game for anything that involved anyone other than myself so I played along.
All went well for a bit ..and then it happened.....she handed me a lunchbox and said, "Time to go to work, now here's your goodbye kiss!". I tried to react, but it was in vain and only attracted the attention of others to what had just transpired. Needless to say... I had the dreaded Cooties.

I have to wonder if that kind of innocence still exists in the children of today. I remember my mother simply saying, "Aw, that's cute" much to my chagrin. But would it not be far fetched to say that a similar event in these modern times would perhaps bring about a lawsuit? I dunno...but as for me, at least the ridicule was short lived in a world dominated by matchbox cars, cartoons and space ships.

Ahhh...The good old days!

I have a simple project for anyone who thinks that this is the ass end of all time, and that what proceeded..those halcyon days of yore were made of better stuff than what we have in these, our own times.

STEP 1: Find someone over the age of 80

STEP 2: Share a few hours comparing lives.

STEP 3: Repeat several times with elder of different race, gender and social status (yes, social status really matters here, since it wasn't until around the time of the Second World War that people actually started to associate with people of other classes more freely).

Here's a sampling of some of the quotes that have stuck in my head:

"When I was a kid we used to see bodies floating in the river all the time, It wasn't that shocking.....Mom told us that they were just bad people anyway, or they wouldn't have wound up that way"


"Look at that, He's got a white girl. I had a buddy who got sweet on a white girl....He just up and disappeared"


"When I was a cop, we didn't get involved with any domestic stuff like child or spouse abuse, it wasn't any of our business and no one wanted to aknowledge it went on. When a woman or child ran away from home, we usually picked them up and brought them back."


"I never really realized how hurtful it was to call those people by that word (the N. word). It's just what you called them, even the preacher did"


"My little sister got the shits from eating green apples, she got dehydrated and died"

"There wasn't any 6 o'clock news, if a kid dissapeared you usually never heard about it unless you knew the parents, and how would they track them down anyway? Only friends and family knew what they looked like unless they had a picture. Even then, if they left town you'd more than often never see them again."

"I don't think anyone your age can even imagine what it was like in WWII, we didn't have body armor, no siree. Everybody was affected, you couldn't even buy tires during the war, and usually there wasn't any sugar, coffee or meat either, it was either rationed or just not available"


"There was a pool hall in the town where I grew up, every Saturday they used to lay a couple of bodies outside on the walk when they cleaned up from Friday night. The families would pick 'em up and bury them, everybody saw it. Nobody ever talked about it though, and the cops never went there, that's just what happened to people that went to places like that."


"When I was about 10 the neighbors up the road adopted an orphan boy my age. I thought he had a great life, didn't go to school, just worked and slept in the barn. Then he showed me where he'd lost 3 toes and told me how they just caurtorized the wound with a hot knife, and he still had to milk the cows the next morning. No, they were all white people, him too. Even went to church on Sunday"


"We thought that the poor people weren't worth a damn, black or white. They were always barefoot, skinny and dirty. We knew that if they and their parents had lived moral and Godly lives that they wouldn't be that way, and we didn't dare go near them, out of self respect and fear of catching some kind of disease."


"I can't understand your generation, what's with all the tattoos and piercings? When I was your age only filthy people had tattoos, I hope that isn't true now, it seems almost everybody has one that's your age. We wouldn't even talk to someone with a tattoo, and they'd probably throw anybody out of town if they pierced their dang nose."

"If somebody lived with a man or woman, and wasn't married they were going to hell, and that was that."

Yup, those were the good old days, at least as far as I can tell from the people that were actually there. Oh well.

Peace, (Hey, if you're over 70, just because I said "Peace", doesn't mean that I'm an unpatriotic ungreatful hippie bastard, who doesn't work and is trying to undermine the great Nation you helped create/preserve... 'K?)

On Surviving the Weekend

Pretty dramatic title, but now that I have that much why stop now?
Truth be told, the only way that the weekend presented a survival challenge was that it was boring... I really don't know why. I mean it wasn't like I sat at home counting the hairs that my cat had shed on the sofa (a guaranteed time killer). I went out, and was bored by the scene. I went to a party...and saw a bunch of friends in their natural habitat, as well as strange behaviors and unexpected antics.
I even saw a band play that was pretty damn good (local funk band, I still hold the belief firmly that GOOD funk is best seen live).

But for some strange reason it all seemed as bland as two-day-old chewing gum, and just about as thrilling to experience. It's like going to hang out with your friends and finding that they are all supercharged about football to the point that it's all they want to think about (I never really could get into football, Sure the games are interesting...I even attended an SEC school, but I don't know or even care about which receiver made the winning touchdown in the big game against so-and-so 5 years ago, and what the hell does it matter?), only they are supercharged about the same things you usually would be, and you still just can't find the thrill.

I dunno, maybe I need to take a vacation or something. Perhaps I should start dating, or get in on an illegal poker game. Whatever. I just need to get something going that's a little more out of the ordinary..... for me, that is.

Nobody's Perfect

One Sunday afternoon, as the minister of the First Baptist Church sat enjoying his lunch, the younger minister of the Second Baptist Church, came in and sat at his booth to ask some friendly advise:

Old Minister: What on earth could be troubling you on this
glorious day my son?

Younger Minister: Well, brother, you see....I believe that someone has stolen my bicycle, and my church cannot afford to replace it, let alone get me a car.

Old Minister: Stolen? Are you certain?

Younger Minister: I'm afraid so, and now I'll have to walk to make my rounds and minister to the sick and elderly.

Old Minister: I'll tell you what you can do-
next Sunday I want you to preach on the 10 Commandments....and when you do so, I want you to bear down with conviction on "Thou Shalt Not Steal" as to put the fear of Hellfire into the hearts of your flock and move the spirit of the lost sheep that has taken your bicycle to repent and return what he has stolen or fear the loss of his immortal soul! I'll do the same at my church, and I am certain that you'll have your bicycle back before nightfall Sunday!

The younger Minister agreed, and the two left the diner, content in the fact that they would indeed save another wandering soul before nightfall the next Sunday.


A week passed,and Sunday afternoon once again found the Older Minister sitting in the usual spot at the diner- A look of elation breaking over his face as the Young minister arrives upon his bicycle and comes in to sit down. Strangely, the Younger Minister, appears somewhat dismayed and sheepish.

Older Minister: Glory be in Heaven my son! Another soul has been saved from the clutchs of the Devil! Why are you not rejoicing in their penance?

Younger Minister - looking down at the table- : It didn't really turn out as I planned..

Older Minister: How so? Did you not preach as I said on The Ten Commandments? Did you not Bear down on The Lord's forbiddance
of Theft and put the fear of Hellfire into the souls of the lost sheep?

Younger Minister: Yes.....I did as you said.....but....

Older Minister: But?

Younger Minister: I only got to "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultry", before I remembered where I'd left my bicycle.

Some of the most memorable calls

One of the things I've always liked about this job, and will miss the most when I change my career path, is the service calls.

Of course, most are of the mundane, fix it type of stuff, but I can't imagine what the day-to-day would have been like over the last 10 years without the thrill and intrigue of getting to see Humans in their natural habitats, not to mention getting regularly led to small, windowless rooms in the basements of perfect strangers (whether they call them 'dens', T.V. rooms or whatever).

There are, I've found, some common categories of service call customer:
1)The rent to own customer- usually the house is furnished with the cheapest furniture possible, and trashed....and amid the squalor sits a 52" big screen. Don't count on selling a repair to this guy, he's in debt up to his eyeballs and doesn't own a thing. Most of these customers simply can't afford the maintenance on their "bling" and even if they approve a repair will write a bad check.....Like I won't be able to tell the State Atourney what their whereabouts are.

2)The "Old Money" customer- These reside in neighborhoods ending in the word "brook", and are perhaps the most demanding of patience, simply because they have none of their own. Don't count on them not to call every day,andcancel the repair before the parts arrive, even if it is only 3 days since you started the repair. Don't get me wrong though, wealth does not always equal 'jerk'.

3)The "New Money" customer- These are some of the easiest to deal with, they usually have crawled up from the bottom of the stack, own their own businesses and fully understand that things don't always go as planned, gotta love 'em.

4)The Little Old Lady- These dwell in homes often swarming with cats.
They love company and will often invite you to dinner, offer you cookies and tell you fascinating anecdotes about children and grandchildren, as well as their past lives... by the time you leave you almost want to give them the repair for free, and though I often discount the fix, I can't help but feel terribly sad when it hits me that they're so lonley that they've spent the better part of an hour pouring out their heart and kindness to a perfect stranger.

5)The High-Tech countryboy- These are often the most fun. They dwell in homes decorated with mounted bass and deer antlers. They always understand the value of hard work and will often offer to help, or loan tools. "That looks better than ever, Wanna' beer?" is not an altogether uncommon quote (I always say, "thanks" but decline because I consider it unprofessional).


6)The obsessive-compulsive- Put on your surgical booties! These dwell in homes with white carpet and perfect driveways. No matter how hard you try, something will be amiss after you finish this call, whether it's a picture that appears a "little reddish, but only on channel 8", a speck of dust errantly left on the screen or, God Forbid, an oil drop on the driveway. The best way to avoid trouble is to look for the brilliantly white driveway and toenail clipper manicured lawn as you pull up.....and park on the street.

7)The Jerry Springer Reject- These are the ones that your momma warned you about. They live in houses that are totally trashed and rarely leave the couch, even to answer the door. Decor consists of broken lamps and tattered flea market finds. Don't be the least bit suprised if there's a gun, a collection of empty beer cans or a bong on the coffee table. Just be cool, calm, and collected....then tell them you can't fix the TV because your company can't get the parts, give them the phone number of your rival and back slowly away! These
are notoriously combative customers and will often fight loudly amongst themselves while you are trying to check the T.V.. The biggest givaways that you might be dealing with one of these are:
1)The broken down cars littering the mudpit front yard - along with other junk and trash.
2)Neighbors peeking out through their blinds as you pull into the driveway.
3)Yelling and fighting going on from the other side of the front door before you ring the bell, followed by silence or a loud "Who the hell's out there" afterwards.

Thankfully these are few and far between.

Of course this is a pretty broad and stereotyping collection of observations.

I've always liked fixing things, but it's the customers I've enjoyed the most and will miss the most. I genuinely love people(which is probably why I could never live in a cubicle and use my EE degree), and I can't imagine a job that could have offered so many opportunities to meet and converse with as many as I have, right in their own living rooms. Oh well, Thanks to free trade, and easy credit....nothing lasts forever.

G'nite

Arrrrrggghhhh!....And How was your day?

I put in another application today and I can't wait to find out if they'll take me. Lemmee tell ya, this is getting sick out of hand.
Ever since the boss quit and moved to Atlanta to get a job, I have been going nuts... and to think I actually loved this job in the past.

But now, here's the typical day:
9:00am - leave home and go to pick up parts for the units I'll be repairing.
10:00am- run a service call, and pray to God I'll be in on time to open at 11:00
11:05am-get to shop, there is already a dude sitting out front in his car with a 27" Trinitron.....and a bad back.
11:20am-start coffee pot and make a list of calls to return on the ans machine
11:21am-answer phone, dig in paperwork to find status of unit person is enquiring about, remind customer that I'm 2 weeks behind.
11:40am-continue to get call list from ans. machine.
11:45am-customer brings in another T.V., sign in.
11:59am-grab coffee, and start calling.
12:13pm-customer picks up a unit: find paperwork, find unit, complete reciept and log check.Carry unit to car.
12:30pm-finish calling back customers on machine, and begin to call customers to pick up units.
12:40pm-customer calls for status, dig through paperwork, give estimate, convince customer to repair unit.
12:45pm-order parts for unit. Navigate extensive menus, wait on hold for a while and, while on hold, turn on light in workroom and plug in soldering iron.
12:56pm-start to place order amid call waiting beeps.
1:08pm-customer brings in another unit, carry in and sign-in.
**1:18pm-set unit on bench and begin to unscrew cover.
1:21pm-answer phone, dig through papers, give customer status of unit.
**1:30pm-return to workbench, finish removing screws from unit and begin to troubleshoot.
1:34pm-customer arrives with set picked up last week. Says it only lasted 3 days and started doing same thing as before...but only once every hour or so.
**1:45pm-plug in customer's unit to let it test run.
**1:50pm-turn on scope and begin to hook generator to unit on bench.
1:52pm-answer phone, dig through paperwork.....give customer status.
**2:05pm-start scoping out unit on bench...gotta' pee!
2:06pm-dash to can, start to unzip.....Old dude walks into shop and starts Shouting "Hello....is there anyone in here!"
2:07pm-Explain to Old dude that the parts are not available for his beloved 20 year old Zenith....and NOTHING will ever make them available again.
2:30pm-Waddle to can, and begin the longest whiz ever taken by a mortal man.....Phone rings again.
2:31pm-Customer comes in with another T.V.
2:44pm-Customer comes to pick up T.V....
**2:58pm-Go to bench and continue troubleshooting..


-------3:01pm-Owner calls from Atlanta. Once again I beg to hire on a secretary or get some tracking software....He flatly refuses, citing declining profits, and ease of job.


**3:18pm-finish diagnosis of unit on bench, call parts company to get price and availabilty of parts..navigate phone menu...ect.
3:30pm-call customer of unit on bench with repair cost, He wants to ask his wife later.
**3:40pm-begin to re-assemble unit on bench....phone rings.
3:45pm-move unit from bench, grab unit to install parts into,put on bench
**3:50pm-start installing parts...phone rings
**4:00pm-finish installing parts in unit on bench, customer walks in.
4:18pm-finish with customer and go to bench to test unit. turn unit on
**4:21pm-unit on bench Blows UP! sending smoke and bits of stuff everywhere, after exactly 3 minutes of trouble-free operation.
phone rings.....young voice askes if the shop carrys the new Halo Map Pack.
4:25pm-disgust growing....go to smoke a cig. light up and phone rings
dig through papers, find out unit came in yesterday and remind customer that I'm behind, and alone.
5:00pm-It starts to rain..3 customers call to ask if they'll be charged storage fee if they leave their sets.
5:13pm-customer arrives with 32" flatscreen, and a bad back (gosh,really?)in pouring rain, asks if I have an umbrella.
5:30pm-Old man from before returns with another Zenith wants to know if I can use it's parts to fix the other one....I explain that the two are incompatable. Man gets upset and threatens to call BBB for unfair treatment of Seniors. Defuse the situation.
6:01pm-close shop and start service calls
**9:02pm-return to shop from service calls and begin to find out why unit on bench blew up...find defective part, make note to call customer, and reorder parts, tomorrow.
9:20pm-Dilute some of the nastiness that was todays coffee with water, microwave and smoke a cig.
**9:30pm-take exploded unit off bench and check service call boards, make parts lists, and notes
**10:05pm-put new unit on bench to check out,check unit and make parts list.
10:30pm-Look around shop and realize that I'll never.....ever catch up....get bummed out and write this blog

** - denotes times actually spent working on units.

Yeah, I used to love this job...back when I was actually fixing things.

And yet, I still feel guilty that I'm not in the other room working
right now.

Things I learned the Hard Way.... Reflections on naive screwups

In the past 33 years that I have spent on this green marble we all call Earth, I would have to say that I have done some pretty dumb, yet self-educating things. And, I must admit in retrospect; I should have thought them through beforehand. Oh well, at least I know now what a fool I have been. Here's a list of 10 of the most poingnant ones, along with their circumstances (where applicable).

-Enjoy!
1)A roll-around desk chair is not to be ridden when towed behind a car, The wheels can't take the friction of 45mph.
When:In college.
How learned: Three words: "Blacktop Tattoo" & concussion

2)Never break up a cat fight bare-handed!
When:Bout '98
How learned:"Chomp!"

3)Cat's have very, very dirty mouths.
When:Next day
How learned: Raging infection

4)Tire pressure and type can adversly affect handling.
When:When I was living in FL and hot-rodding an MG
How learned:Finding myself sitting puzzeled amid a cloud of tire smoke, in an orange grove.

5)Don't wear loose fitting clothing while working with machinery.
When:Chalk another one to the MG in FL
How learned: Rip! ...and from that day on I kept my shirt tale tucked in.

6)Never drink milk, vodka, Kaluah and beer together.
When:1999
How learned: Double lung nostril vomiting in my friend's john. Much to the chagrin of his then fiancee.

7)No matter how appropriate the timing, never force a fart.
When:In grade school
How learned:"Stinky pants!, Stinky pants! Matthew's got stinky pants!"

8)Never take food from a stranger.
When:While night manager for an A/V company in Miami
How learned:"My gooodneeesss thaaaat waaas a good brownieee", too bad I called mom to pick me up, she freaked and the rest was ER and Charcoal.Ever had a charcoal shake?

9)Never agree to be a militant-feminist-conservationist-vegetarian-animal right's activist-athiest lesbian's roommate.
When:In College
How learned:Granted, she was a little crazy too, But talk about awkward, no taking your friends/dates home to hang out.

10)Everything sounds like a good idea after a few beers, Be sure to mull the thought over before sharing it with the crowd.
When:In College
How learned:Being caught by the resident manager with the whipped cream. At least it was sanitary, and everyone kept their pants on.

Of course everyone has had experiences like these in their lives, and I'm pretty sure that certain parties will be more than willing to add a couple dozen to my list, especially those who know me well.

Peace out, Kiddies!

Some rules for searching for Ms. Right

After having a rather nasty little divorce, I have meditated on what the hell I could have done different to avoid circumstances such as those I experienced. What I came up with might be common knowledge, but whatever,here's the handy guide I came up with:


The Rules are as follows:
1)Don't confuse love with lust.
Keep it zipped! Especially at first, you don't know this person, for all you know they might have some crotch-rotting disease. Besides this, just think about what would happen if they got pregnant before you found out that they were Satan incarnate?

2)Find out who they really are.
Talk to their friends, meet their family, meet the ex -if possible. Check out their place ect. Converse on politics, religion, pets and kids, and see if she's up-front and honest. Remember that there are certain things that are Relationship Killers and don't capitulate.

RELATIONSHIP KILLERS:
a)Drug problems- if it's illegal it's a problem. You could wind up losing everything, maybe even your life or future children.

b)Psychological problems- including anger-management, risky behaviors, clinical depression or schizophrenia,alcoholism-Some are treatable, but make certain that she has had conviction to do so.
And stay that way for HERSELF!

c)ANY kind of abusive or manipulative behaviors - this doesn't just mean getting slapped around, but emotional blackmail (all that "I'll love you if_______", or "If you love me you'll_______" crap). Sabotaging your friendships or dictating who you can or can't be with.Don't let someone else tell you what to do, for better
or worse, you are your own boss.

3)Stay objective.
Don't make or take excuses for their behaviors.
None of that "She does that because she had a bad childhood" crap. None of that "She'll get better in time" or "I can fix that" B.S. either.

4)"Love conquers all" is bullshit!
There is no such thing as a "Knight in shining armor". No one can solve someone else's personal problems or issues, and no one can save anyone from themself.

5)You can only make yourself happy, or miserable.
"Happiness" is a choice we all make day to day by whether or not we dwell on bad things or find the good in situations. It also involves empowering yourself to change your circumstances if they suck.

6)KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
If you don't already know, than you've got some growing up to do!
BEFORE you start even looking for Ms Right!
This is the most important thing you'll ever know! Don't give yourself up to be putty in their hands. Hold fast to your beliefs, likes, dislikes and morals! You want a partner, not a dictator.
If She can't let you be you without a fight....or having to sneak around behind her back, just walk away.

7)Make certain that SHE knows who she is.
And accept that warts and all. If she doesn't have convictions, beliefs,likes and dislikes of her own, she'll eventually become self-aware and then miserable or combative..... or sneak around behind your back.

8)No Cheaters!
If you are in an exclusive relationship and she cheats... don't blame the other guy, she's the one who said "Yes".

9)Everybody's different...and everybody's got their little flaws.
Keep that in mind and don't let the little stuff get too big. Just don't trivialize any of the above mentioned "Killers".

10)Be Honest! With her and with Yourself!
If you think you've got something to gain by hiding your mistakes, habits, or shortcomings or worse yet,Your own true self.THINK AGAIN!!
Secrets turn to lies and no one wants to be with a liar. You are human and no one is perfect. If she can't accept that...then walk away.

Above all....You should be happy, don't sit around saying "I'm lonely, or I wish I had a Woman". Get out, meet people...hang with your buds, get in a club or church group. Find like minded souls and communicate! And most of all make good friends who accept you for who you are and make you feel good about being who you are...because you are the only one that you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with!

Gnite, and be happy!

Friday Night Wanderings

Had another one of those strange nights, What can I say? It started with a birthday party....Ugh, No offense to little sis, I love her to death and was glad to see her, her beau, and the rest of the gang, but these things are kinda awkward for me. First off, I have a pretty strict rule about drinking and driving, only one beer per hour, if that much. Combine that with being the "7th wheel" and hanging out in a Karaoke bar (an activity that to be truly enjoyed to its fullest requires a bit more than a taste of beer in one's mouth). I only hope that they can forgive me for appearing wierded out. Besides, I was tired....dog tired. I spent the entire dinner drinking black coffee before we went out and it was finally starting to kick in just as we were parting ways. At least the conversation was good (what we had in the restaurant and what I could hear over some of the worst performances since the last time I was sober in a Karaoke bar) and Irish got a chance to see that it was actually true that I had gotten a haircut.


(You can just skip to next paragraph if you want to)


Trust me, it had to be done, the haircut I mean, I've been balding..uh, OK....I've been Bald for a while now and was growing weary of having to mess with what was left. Besides, I couldn't wear it down anymore without looking like Riff-Raff from the Rocky Horror Picture show, or the guy who's wanted in six counties for stealing condoms and chiclets from quicky marts. No, for the last time, that wasn't me, I despise chiclets and haven't found myself needing a condom anytime in the last.... ok, it's been a while, but I'm looking for Ms. Right. So back off, or introduce me to someone who isn't a Psycho, drug addict, alcoholic, skank, self loathing, 'separated', or afraid of men in general, and let them know that I don't think it's cute, or the least bit ok, if their dog makes 'wee wee' when excited, any critter that you insist on letting sleep in your bed with you should be house trained. Thank you.

Anyway, there I was, it was only about 12:15 and I was now feeling the full effects of my coffee, so I decided to do a little wandering and see what was up in the neighborhood.
For the unintiated I live in a pretty strange part of town. I kinda like it, but wouldn't want to raise my kids there.
Usually I'll talk to D.A. (all names have been changed to protect the strange) but she'd already packed up her stand for the night and had moved on, her friend is supposed to be making me celtic maze and I was wondering how that was coming along. Singer was out along with some of the permanent residents (as I call them) and I spoke with him for a while. He's been hoping to get a few more voices and start a quartet (blues and soul),and I wish him the best because he's got a great voice.
It started to get a little spooky about then, so I decided to go on down to my usual haunt and see what was up. I said my hellos and spoke with the Englishman. I hadn't seen him in a while, he's been going through a nasty divorce and is finally beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel....after about 50 grand in atourney's fees. Yike's, and I thought mine was nasty!
He'd been talking with Legal for a while and was happy about hearing that things were, by all indications, grinding to an end in the courts. Me and Legal were chatting when Belle walked by and said 'Hi' on her way out, and I made the mistake of admitting to Legal that I still have a secret crush on her (best kept secret from Belle, She's a friend, and a pretty awesome woman to boot, but I pretty much decided that I didn't want to date her, she's not really my type and Chuckler -perhaps her closest male friend- says that I'd be a fool to get caught up in the drama that would ensue). Then Legal got all motherly and told me that she and I would be a great Item, and that I should ask her out. "You're such a great guy", "She needs a man like you","Don't sell yourself short" and my favorite, "She's a very pretty girl"....duh! I might just do that, but then again... naaah, I know her too well and I don't need the drama. Thankfully, this conversation came to an end when Miss J came in. I spoke with Miss J for a while and The Wiz put in a movie. That was pretty cool, but just as me and Miss J were getting into it, Music man and Chuckler pre-empted the show for Madden Football. Me and Miss J didn't know that they'd called dibs on A.V. earlier...thanks for the tease Wiz. Oh well, the coffee was wearing off anyway so I said my goodbyes and walked home, fed the cat, and went to bed.

More drivel coming Monday!

A change might do some good

Oh what a day!
Ok, maybe it wasn't that fabulous, but at least it didn't suck the chrome off the trailer-hitch of life, for a change. I actually might have an opportunity or two to get the heck out of the increasingly thankless and stressful world of T.V. repair.

I got a couple of leads today on nice, well ordered jobs in other fields;
1)P. Mims put a good word in for me at a company that does sales of Power distribution equipment, and said the fact that I can deal with humans as well as the strange world of Electrical engineering raised some eyebrows. He said the fact that I have a business and technical background might just make me a shoe in for what could be the first 9-5 job I've ever had in my life! Yippee!

2)I got an inside lead that there is a broadcast engineer position opening up at a local station. Now as interesting as the first job I mentioned would be, I can't help but be excited about this one, even if it is for a Christian station. These positions are mostly long dull periods of preventive maintenance highlighted by brief and rare moments of, 'Fix this thing -now!', so it's hard to believe that it's a full time position with bennies, even if my contact (a current employee) swears it is. But if it is (and the pay is good), I just might get some good reading in....gosh, and I won't have to carry heavy things, or work hour upon hour with lead solder, or stay late into the night, or worry about fixing enough units to pay the rent. Ahhh...
Just the occasional monkeylike foray to the top o' the tower to change the blinky red light...changing the tetrode in the wee small hours of the morning....replacing windscreens on mics....making sure that the Peak Envelope Power and Deviation percentage were within the license specs. Man, as long as I could train myself to stop cussing at things I service, I could have it made.

Of course I would be losing out on the opportunity to get another station wagon....Hmmm.... Screw it! I'm puttin' in an app!

Hoosier (great, great, great, great, grand)Daddy

Recently, seeking disprove my hypothesis that it is possible to have an genetic predisposition to bad luck, I started to check out my roots.
A query of my father (I already have the evidence to support, and perhaps even present a paper on my findings to the Nobel Commission based on my mom's family history), brought about the name of Heinrich Sauer, My most recent immigrant ancestor, and a few fractured details of his life passed down in oral history. And, by searching for details and reading some books, here's the story I was able to piece together:

Henry -as he came to be known by his decendants as it slowly became increasingly uncool to be German- had come to the States, married a woman he met on the boat, and bore two daughters before getting the opportunity to earn his citizenship by fighting in the 6th Kentucky Infantry of the Union Army. Apparently being from Hesskessel (home of the Hessian army), where every able-bodied
man was drafted into the king's mercenary armies was not only incentive to get the hell out, but looked good on his resume' as well.
Under Sherman he went to Shiloh, Chickamauga, Chattanooga and eventually on to Atlanta (During his absence there was no communication - as his superiors could not read German, and didn't want to take the risk of coded messages being sent, so this is the part that didn't get passed down)
Upon his return (a strangely changed and saddened man), he packed up the fam to go west and homestead on the land he was given by the Government. The land proved to be unfarmable and he returned to Louisville where he eventually got heatstroke while working as a street sweeper. He lived with my Great Grandma and her parents for a while and ultimately hung himself (this, I've discovered, is why he isn't buried in the church cemetary - old school Catholicism forbade it).

Dang it, I wanted to DIS-prove my hypothesis!

Oh well, at least it isn't raining.

Vehicular frustrations....and they say her nickname's "T-Bone"

Only two days into the month of August and I can already tell that it's going to be a doosey.... mostly pertaining to things with wheels under them.
1) Got a call from the 'rents the other night, here's a sample:
"So dad say's that you guys got a new car"
"Yeah, I had a wreck and totaled the Pontiac"
"What?"
"Yeah it was my fault, I pulled out and got T-boned by a
Lincoln, But your dad's using the money to get a Jeep
Cherokee!"

I can see dad's conundrum here, and, granted she has only had 2 other accidents in the last 3 years:
1) she backed out of the driveway and T-boned a car parallel parked across the street
2) the rear-ender in the school zone

Gotta love mom, but I'm hoping that the State of Florida will once again suspend her license and put a halt to this before she becomes the subject of a Fox News soundbite along with all the other sweet, grey-haired ladies that unwittingly reek death and destruction using large, sturdy American cars.

2) Looks like I'm getting another station wagon. My one-handed Iranian boss has decided to ease the burden of long distance micromanagement by selling me the company car. So as long as he remembers to sign the right lines on the title, I'll be the not so proud owner of a two-tone, baby blue over rust '82 Datsun with a flakey seat belt buckle and 3 hubcaps....Woo hoo! but hey, it's got a moon roof.

More drivel to come
Peace out

Well, here it goes.......

I just wanted to get this thing started...golly, so much stuff to fill out just to post some crap that somebody might eventually read.
I never thought that.....O.K. Truth is that I got a late start, and by the time I finally got to the "posting" part of the program I have found myself a little clumsy on the keys and...totally devoid of thoughts other than,
'Dang, it's late'
'Man, I can hardly keep my mind on this'
and the most pressing of all....THERE'S NO COFFEE HERE (and I'm out of smokes).
So kiddies,G'night...I'll be back with another tomorrow.