Oh snap! I gotta do something about this! But what?

.......Another unseen peril of self-employment jumps up and bites me on my narrow white ass.

After another failed attempt to get a "regular job" today, I frustratedly asked the interviewer what qualities of my experience and education prevented me from qualifying. And in an unseen bout of H.R. honesty; Instead of the usual, "You're just not the candidate we had in mind, sir.", I got a real answer, and not just an apologenic one, but one that makes sense:

"Your work history indicates you are currently self-employed."

It has finally come to my attentions that nothing scares the ever-livin' s#!t out of a prospective employer like the idea of hiring on, training, and placing a guy in charge of stuff that might just abscond with your customers and expensive knowlege for his own business. Why didn't I think of that!?!!!???

And to make matters worse, I put some of my current clients down as "professional references"!
Imagine how it looks when the former manager of a now-defunct company's references are contacted, only to explain that I was the one that originally negotiated the contracts with said defunct company!

Now I've got's problems, 'cause without those references, and the last 6 months proof of occupation, I stand just as little chance of looking good on paper. Especially since the owner of the last business I worked for (and that was for a period of 9 years, mind you!) cannot be contacted becuase he has left the country for Iran..... of all places.

Dammit anyway!

And now what?

Ever since I discovered that man cannot live on TV repair alone in this era of disposable electronics and changing video formats, I have been wondering what I should do for a living while remaining self-employed (thus keeping the squeeze off and hopefully avoiding a situation where I jump at the first job offer and spend the rest of my years on this Green Marble in a job that I quickly grow to despise). Yeah, I've gots me some freedom but I still crave the predicable work hours and lack of tax forms that come with a "regular job".

The question that I face right now is, "What should I do?". I've tried a lot of stuff in the past, from plumbing to teaching (though, there's not a big range between those examples in my mind
since both involve putting up with s#!t in one form or another), but have failed to find anything as satisfying and varied as electronic repair, especially when service calls are involved.

So now what? After a long night of consuming coffee and meditating in a trance-like state while listening to Miles Davis and Mozart, I think I've come up with a solution; The 6 sided Die
(not that I actually own one, the cool kids never let me play D&D with them back in the day).

I figure that I'll just list out the top 6 occupations that I find most interesting (from "research scientist" to "live in a cave in Patagonia and herd sheep"), and let the dice do the deciding, or at least the narrowing down, and even if the choice happens to require more educaton or training, I'll just go for it.

................Or perhaps I should drink a little less coffee and just keep trolling Monster.

Trouble and problems?

After the rant from the night before, I set up a special blog just for the purpose of venting anger, and dangit, despite my hopes and, believe it or not, expectations; wouldn't you know that I would have a wonderful day with nothing to complain about! Honestly, I mean it!
A good end to the trend, but I was hoping to have something to rant about!
Enough pseudoanger already: a confession is due.
Have you ever known someone that, no matter what (honest, you could be standing hip-deep in s#!t at the moment you see 'er crossing your path), cannot make you fail to smile?
Bingo, there she was! Oh well, I can be cantankerous another day (I'll add a facitous "ho hum" here).
Silly boy that I am.

The Horrible Missapropriation of Science and Technology

"Oh God, what have we done"
(Nagasaki bomb drop 1945)
As a lifelong lover of science and technology, I have always dreaded the coming of the time that I would be placed in the juxtoposional point between understanding of the universe and "killer of innocents". Yeah , I know that it sounds silly coming from a TV repairman, but science on any level poses a danger to those seeking knowledge, as well as those who their understanding may touch.
My screen name alone is a testiment to such, as it comes from the fact that I was told by a Neuropathologist that my "irregularity of gait" and "supression of reasoning ability" were the direct result of "continued contact and chronic accumulation" of lead; specifically from solder.

This I can accept, as it was a concious choice............not unlike my smoking........there I was and I did it....... damn the torpedos, Marie Curie did the same! ( though in her defense, she didn't know the danger)

But there is a line, as with my latest job offer, that must not be crossed; No matter what you offer me, I don't give a damn if every earthly pleasure will be at my beck and call. I WILL NOT CONTRIBUTE TO THE KILLING OF INNOCENENTS! I don't give a DAMN if you say if it's for "national security" (though I would have killed any of those that participated in the 911 attacks with my bare hands -given the lack of power tools- on the same principal).

I know in my heart that the majority of those in countries seen as "evil" are just as much apposed to the madness of the ruling power as I am to that damn idiot we call a president, despite the fact that we must simply go about our daily lives, keep the bills paid, and hope for better odds the next time we might have a "majority vote" in how we are represented and ruled.

"Confessional or Bitching Post ?"

"There are some things that when said or shouted, even in anonymity, unburden the soul and allow us a deeper understanding, in retrospect, of what we find important in life"

My Great Uncle Bob (an ex-commando with the demeanor of Mr. Rodgers) once told me that on the base, some distance from the barracks, they had a "bitching post". A single post, set in the ground, painted white and clearly marked as such. The idea being that if anyone found themselves to be a "little out of sorts" or merely wishing to verbally exhibit their frustrations (i.e. "cuss like a sombitch"), there would be a benign outlet for their anger ( kicking the post was also allowed, as it was always someone's duty- namely the last one not to utilize this resource- to keep it whitewashed and upright).

Today as I stand here once again before my computer in my boxer shorts, smoking my Camels and drinking coffee that has been cooking in the pot to the point of having the sweet aroma of burning rubber bands........ the thought entered my head that this tiny drop of noise in the ocean of information known as the internet now has (in theory at least) a door to a wider audience by way of my MySpace link.

And it set me to wondering......... Now that more of my friends can get to it, will they indeed read it? And, if so, will I feel the need to edit myself for content?

No more am I the anonymous "Solderjunkie" to them, if indeed they should somehow serindipitously stumble upon my blog. More importantly; Have I lost my confessional/bitching post?

In Memory of The Anti-Chrysler (1991-1998)

The car is the Cordoba with the fine corinthian corduroy!
(sorry about the pic quality, my scanner is a bit dirty)

A couple of my closest friends who, assured that all statutes-of-limitations have expired, are making a movie based on the exploits of our shared misspent youth (Thank God I wasn't planning a career in politics!).

Think something along the lines of "Ferris Bueller" meets "Blues Brothers" meets "Dazed and Confused" with a bit of "The Big Lebowski" and some "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and "American Graffiti" thrown in....... and you might come close.

Anyhoo.... During the requisite reminesing that followed, the question arose as to what ever became of the car that served as our own personal bat/blues-mobile; The gargantuan, gas guzzeling, livingroom-couch-on-wheels known simply as....... The Antichrysler

I purchased this car right after I graduated from high school for the whopping sum of $94
and continued to drive it until it died in 1998.

Though I won't delve too deeply into the madness that it witnessed, it was not only the largest car I've ever owned, but my favorite. Without it, I would have certainly lived a more boring, less adventurous life back in the day.

Hoo.....boy. Now I've gone and done it!

Yeah, you guessed it, I got a MySpace page........
.........not that there's anything wrong with that!

For a long time now I had been avoiding getting one, just on principal alone. I mean, as a divorced, balding 34 year old, the notion of posting on a page populated by youth had always made me feel like I would be "that creepy guy". You know, the one that sits on the park bench near the swing set eating his lunch and effortlessly frightening women and children by the power of mere presence. It doesn't matter if he's a good guy- he could be a minister, doctor, or even a child advocate attorney- right now, he's just out of place enough to be scary.

Long story short:
After what has seemed like eons of subtle suggestion and assurances, I finally caved in to peer pressure. A photo was posted as well as a profile and a blog referencing this one.

So far, so good. I don't feel the least bit creepy!

And I bought 3 pairs of khaki pants.... For this!

Perhaps next time I should tell them that I'm uneducated, inexperienced....... and retarded!

I know that I haven't blogged in a while so let me catch you up:


A little over a week ago, I found a posting for a job with a national company that services office copiers. Yeah, I'll admit that it was a little below my skill level, but what the heck? An 8-5 workday, 401k, Medical, dental, optical insurance and a 32k starting salary with my weekends free? Hell yeah! No headaches, little paperwork, nothing exorbitantly complicated to do;
Just sit at home waiting for trouble calls to come in on a Blackberry, and come in to the home office once a week for your paycheck, continuing training and a refresh of your stock of parts.

So I interviewed, took the pre-employment tests, handed over some credentials and filled out an application.

The manager reviewed my stuff, called me in for another interview (just to be sure) and...... yee-ha, told me to come in Monday to start work.

Long story short, I went to work all bright eyed and bushy tailed and began my orientation......
only to be called into the office 1/2 way through my first day and told sheepishly by the manager that had been so eager to hire me that he had jumped the gun by starting me in expectation of approval by higher ups. Corporate HR had called and told him to put a "hold" on my employment due to "overqualification"!

At least he said he'll "do his best and call me before the end of the week".

meh........ wearing khakis eveyday would have probably given me worms anyway.

Woo hoo! woo......hoo?

Ever have one of those moments when all seemed right and you just felt that you had to celebrate that fleeting euphoria, only to be bummed out with the next tick of the second hand?

Like when the hot and awsome woman you've been dying to date finally calls and engages you in pleasent conversation only to ask what your "hot awsome" friend's phone number is.

Dangit.

Oh well, she's probably got worms anyway.

For the Love of God.....If you have a shred of charity left

......hire me!

"Desperation is one of those strange nebulous things that can somehow be sensed by some people..... like women, mad dogs, cops and HR directors..... thus complicating life."
----------Anonymous
(ok, I added the "cops and HR directors" part)

Well kiddies, here it is......... Another upcoming weekend and I'm still self employed.... standing here in my boxers in front of my computer trolling Monster and waiting for the phone to ring, with not much more than a file of little pink tickets marked "Accounts Receivable" to show for my efforts. Not that I should complain, but just you try paying your bartender, gas station attendant or cat groomer with a ticket marked "Balance due" and see what they say.


But I really can't keep up the rant; Midway through this post I got the call and had to run in for some work, so at least I'll have some cash on hand for the weekend!

Another day, another application, and a scehuled interview

I spent the day today snowstorming various companies with resumes and generally trying my best to look nerdy enough to fit the roles for which they say I'm qualifried.......

.....long story short, not much of a challenge.

Promising leads include a copy machine company (interview sheduled). For the absolute joy of servicing copiers these happy fellows are willing to offer a starting salary in the mid 30's, a generous 401k (matching .75 cents to every dollar contributed), one week of vacation time, an 8-5 five day workweek; and health/optical/dental insurance. Oh, yeah, and I get a Blackberry too!

But there's a catch......... I gotta use my own car to run the calls and 38 cents/mile just doesn't sound peachy these days.

Other leads include:
Broadcast TV Engineer
Automated chicken processor repairman (I'm not so hot on this one)
Audiovisual system installer (requires travel)
2-way radio installer
Automated Communications and Tower Maintenance (Awsome pay, but I'd be the lucky S.O.B that gets to change the blinky red light on top, and that's scary folks.....real scary)

Nevertheless, my spirits are uplifted and I feel better already!

Amazing Grace......

Was blind but now I see.....

After more than a week of relative blindness punctuated with brief periods of nearly nausiating eyestrain induced headaches from a 12 year old pair of specticals, I have finally recieved my replacement eyeball enhancers returning me to the realm of the sighted... for the most part.


Now I can get about to the serious business of doing things that require visual acuity!

First and formost being the legwork portion of job-hunting.
"But wait, I thought you were self-employed! What about your business dreams?" you say.

Long story short.........SCREW THAT! The stress and uncertainty are killing me!

For the last 6 months I've spent every waking (and non-waking) moment:
-obsessing about the gov. required paperwork (taxes...... taxes, and more taxes, better dot those I's and cross those T's buddy..... the little guys are the one's that get reamed for looking like crack dealers in good times or evaders in the bad ones)
-paying out-of-pocket for healthcare or going without (Insurance is 'spensive)
-freaking out on days when there is nothing to do but freak out.... as there is no pay unless something is getting done.
-pinching pennies as though I may never see money again (ok, Balogna and cheese do go well with ramen noodle soup...... I admit)
-pestering potential clients like a 5 Points crackhead lookin' for spare change.
-thinking "Ouch! my aching credit!" (Due to the great number of small businesses that go bankrupt in the first 5 years of operation, proof of income is given as the average net of a 5 year span of operation, "5 months" gets you a snicker......5 months with a business plan gets you a smile, the promise of some butt whomping intrest and another fixed expense to go with your variable income.....yikes!)
-Handing constant fear that the clients that you have will drop you like a hot tater, or simply cancel scheduled work in leu of a larger company with better facilities and the customer base to undersell you and take a loss just to hook your client...... bastards!
-Dealing with the morbid thought that if I have an accident, fall off a ladder, get attacked by a pit bull or face some other form of injury that limits or ends my ability to work like a whipped slave, I would be out of business and perhaps facing lawsuits for breach of contract.


So the word now is "get a job, now that you can see who you're shaking hands with"!

Almost Spontaineous

Advetures in Atlanta.....
Now, those that know me know that I'm not exactly the most impulsive creature on this Green Marble..... a trait I have developed as a defense mechanism against my genetic luck deficiency and history of poor judgement.

Yet, despite this I somehow strive on occasion to force myself to do things that I inherantly know will be "fun".......grudgingly charging forth with as much a sense of cautious optimism as dread.

Yeah, I'd lost my glasses white water canoeing (still haven't recieved the replacements), got stood up on a blind date (a blessing in disguise?) and sprained the wrist of my drinking hand.....all within the proceeding 5 days. But when a friend invited Zaron and I to attend his opening performance for Ministry at the Masquerade in the ATL, I grudgingly mustered my pluck for yet another adventure.......admitting that I did, after all, have a great time on all three preceeding occasions despite loss, injury and/or peril.

I donned black, had a hellova road trip, drank, listened to loud music with unintelligable lyrics, smuggled a bottle of Cuervo past cops in my pants, drank more, partied like the friend of a rockstar, participated in the trashing of a hotel room and forgot about life's difficulties for a whole 24hrs......despite an attack of flatulence that I'm told (but honestly don't remember) resulted in my breaking wind in the face of very hot girl.
Not a bad time indeed. I'd say more but, I have some needlepoint I gotta get done.

Details on "introduction" mentioned in last post

Long story short: She didn't show up!

No good can come of this.......

Not really sure why, but as of late a number of friends of mine (driven either by pure good intent, or by envy of my seemingly happy-go-lucky bachelorhood to destroy that which they cannot posess) have taken it upon themselves to introduce me to members of the opposite sex.
Not that I should complain, but for one fact.
It has been pretty obvious to me for some time that something in my nature..... pheramones, neurosis or eccentricities strongly attracts only two types among the vast cornacopia of modern American females, best described as "Hummingbirds" and "Hens".

For the uninitated, I shall define these terms as best I can.....
First the Hummingbirds:
Flighty and independant-minded, the rule is that there are no rules....and only a fool would try to predict the revelations of the next moment. To them there is no such word as embarassment. Typical behaviors include:
Singing karaoke deliberately off-key in the voice of a child
Treating an unsuspecting Douchbag to a mat-shot
Impersonating Xena the Warrior princess ("aye-yah-yee-yee-yee-yah!")
Leaping up in mid conversation to dance frenetically to their favorite song (as you sit watching the handbag)
Belching the National Anthem
Dropping by at 3am with a case of beer
Starting a food fight in a restaurant
Showing off tattoos in places that really shouldn't be shown in a public place
Inciting one to wonder where a grown woman would aquire a pair of panties emblazed with the
likeness of Curious George while riding in the back seat of a car occupied by a more sane couple.
Just to name a few.
Thankfully, I have never allowed any of these to progress to the status of "girlfriend" or, by virtue of good hygene, "one night stand".

Now the Hens, on the other hand, are a different thing altogether. Typically a bit more rubenesque, their personas exude an unmistakable aura of desperation and clingyness, and though, while a bit more reserved they do have their moments of forcefulness.
Typical Hen behaviors include:
Feining intrest in anything that you seem to find interesting
Cooking meals (preferably breakfast)
Pestering friends for details on your financial stability
Suggesting wardrobe changes, hairstyles, or shoes they want you to try
Suprise encounters with their mother and/or Children of a previous marriage
Invitations to "singles night" at the Baptist Church or Synagog...... despite your being Catholic
Insisting on paying for dinner
Hiding your cigarettes
Offering naive suggestions on how to streamline or expand your business
Calling at odd hours to check up on you....... and calling..... and calling.... and calling
Materializing in your favorite neighborhood bar, and expressing concern that you are (gasp!) drinking a beer.......on a Tuesday!

I haven't yet decided which of these types I find more frightening..... but research is ongoing. And shall continue as long as I have an interest in women. The next "blind encounter" is scheduled for Monday.
Watch this space for details.