In (Technical) Defense of The Fonz

Somtimes you really can believe the things you see on T.V.

Remember how on Happy Days the almighty Fonz, whenever faced with a cantankerous machine, would demonstrate an almost supernatural power to apply force in some way and get it going? Perhaps you've been able to get the same thing to work for you. Ever wonder how and why?

If not, skip down to the end of the blog, otherwise here's why:

In mechanical devices the blow can free sticky mechanisms, a good example is the jukebox; jukeboxes from this era were both mechnical wonders, and nightmarishly complex relay logic computers to boot. A good whack from the Fonz might well have freed a sticking relay, or caused a normally open one to make contact, springing the machine to life...... "Ay!".

Modern electronics, however is a different story:
Most failures that can be "fixed" in this manner are caused by one of two things, ringbreaks and microphonics.

Ringbreaks occur when the solder that holds the componets in, and connects them to the rest of the circuit, quite simply, breaks. The thermal expansion and contraction of the little legs on these devices causes the solder joint to fail, like pavement cracking. A good whollop will often cause the loose bits to touch and the unit will begin working.

Microphonics is a little harder to pinpoint though.
You see, there are 4 basic types of microphone; resistance, condenser, and dynamic, and piezo-electric. Though the parts used in electronic equipment aren't designed to be this way, as they fail they can take on the properties of these microphones, just due to their nature.

-Resistance mics use the variance of resistance with vibration - the carbon mic that was used in almost every telephone up through the 70's is a good example. In this case the problem would be likely a bad resistor or internal connection at fault, whack, it goes into tolerance and things start working......for a spell.

-Condenser micophones utilize modulating the distance between the charged plates of a capacitor.....again, not normally supposed to be that way in the average capacitor, but age and breakdown set in and it takes on new characteristics.

-Dynamic microphones use the variance of an inductor;the movement of magnetic lines of force through the inductor will cause voltage to be produced, If the inductor is part of a tuned circuit it will change the frequency of an oscillator, or the frequency that a filter circuit is tuned to. Other times it just injects noise.

-Piezo-electric mics work by producing a voltage through the deformation of a crystal lattice, semiconductors are the culprits here.


So what does the modern Fonz do when confronted with one of those, "it works when I hit it" situations? First solder everything suspect, manufacturers don't like to solder anything more than just what it takes, solder is an expensive and, of course lead containing substance.

Then hit it again to see if the problem is gone,
next, depending on the symptom, it's time to tap around on the little bits that are involved in what's getting screwy, capacitors, inductors, resistors and semiconductors.

And, being that there's a lot of those >1000 in most modern consumer devices..... it could take a while.


So there you have it, the Fonz method of troubleshooting!

Yeeeeeee.........

......Ha!

After what has seemed to be an eternity of finding new and strange places that allowed me to post out of the goodness of their little hearts.... or simple obliviousness to the fact..... I have found what might be the best place of all to blog from..... Yeah, that's right.....Home!

The cable guy finally showed up on my doorstep, and now I have that high speed internet thing that all the kids have been talking about( and a few actually demonstrating). What can I say? This is truly a landmark moment as I sit here proudly smoking my Camel and drinking my coffee.

......Ahem......(taking swig of coffee and putting cig into ashtray)

I want to thank all those who got me interested enough in computers again to actually want to use one for leisure:
Zaron, I couldn't have done it without ya, man.
Box, now I can give you a hard time at lightening speed. (btw, where are you working now?
Are they hiring?)
And the rest of you know who the heck you are, so be proud or somethin'.


My only regret is that I now have cable too, so I might be a little too distracted to really do much of this anymore (j/k).

Oh well, I spent too much time getting this thing properly installed and set up to say much more, so Goodnight.

"Um, ok"

Believe it or not that was the response of my employer to my demand for time off. No panic, no demands, just a quick "Why?" that required no more explaination than, "'Cause I want to see my Grandma, alright?". I told him that we needed to make some changes in order to keep me here, and all he said was,"We can talk when I have more time, I'm on a break" and that was the end of the conversation.

Guess I don't have to quit to get the time off after all. Of course there is the question of this place surviving my absence (still don't know how that's gonna happen) But WTF, I have his blessing to go and I guess that means he'll just have to deal.

What's next? I have some other job options, but nothing that really sparks my interest. There's an out-of-town thing that I really don't care for, despite good pay and moving expense coverage. I've been accepted, even pestered to take this one and the work sounds enjoyable enough, but trust me though, the devil is in the details (some might even say the devil himself).


If I wanted to just stay in Indiana, there is that good industial job waiting - just as there always has been for every male family member up there for 3 generations before.
I've given this one a lot of thought, good pay, good benifits, union wages, living in the heartland, being near (even working with) family.....
But it has its downside too:
Both of my Grandfathers were at one point or another involved in an accident. Dad's dad got both his legs crushed while inspecting a machine (he was a plant manager with a chem./process engineering degree). Mom's dad was a metalurgist at a foundry who wound up disabled for nearly 30 years after something went wrong and his lungs were all but destroyed by zinc oxide fumes that escaped.
And my cousin has already had at least one of his fingers re-attached (he's a master machinist).
Yeah, it wouldn't be bottom-rung blue collar, but wearing a white hard-hat doesn't make you invincible either.

And then there's my already existant side business, all this would take would be motivation and a small business loan to make happen. I'm pretty burnt out on the whole fix and repair thing right now, but this might just be my best bet.

Monday

Welp, here it is Monday night and here I am, back at work blatatly misusing the shop computer for personal stuff.

A call from my Grandma has set some wheels in motion that I wish I could apply some brakes to.....

It would seem that the annual family get-together in the land of the Hoosiers has been rather quickly rescheduled to allow for my nephew's baptism.
Meaning? Next week (more accurately next Thursday) I have to be in Indiana. In other words, "Yikes!". Now how the hell am I gonna pull that one off? Simply put, I'm gonna' QUIT MY JOB!

Truth be told, I knew that this would have to happen sooner or later, and it's ultimately for the best for a whole lot of reasons.(I know I've gone through the list before, but this is for me, perhaps if I put it in print, I'll feel better about doing such a selfish and heinous thing to the loyal and patient customers/commercial clients.

The reasons I shouldn't feel guilty and just run screaming:
1)I don't own this place, in fact I'm on a salary.
2)The owner has moved out of state and got a job.
3)There is NO one here other than me, and if it was possible for anyone else to be here it would be the owner himself. Not that it really matters, everyone that used to do this sort of work has simply said, "F**ck this" and found other ways of making money.
4)Being that I'm the only one here, there is no one to relieve me for any sort of time off.
5)The owner didn't leave me a paycheck (again!)the last time he was in town, I'm supposed to snatch up my pay from "petty cash" ......when I get some.(A quick sneak peek at the books has proven that there wouldn't be enough money in the account to cash it anyway until I make a deposit.)
6)I have simply "run out of gas" - I no longer feel the motivation, drive or interest needed to run in "full throttle caffeine driven house on fire panic" mode 6 f**king days a f**king week.... and that has contributed to an even greater pileup of unfinished work.
7)I have been noticing that this feeling (#6) is beginning to bleed over into other aspects of my life, and that really sucks. Though I did get a rush of joy (believe it or not) from helping move a giant sleeper sofa last weekend: I actually found myself sweating over something that seemed to be rewarding. And no pay other than the feeling that something was actually getting done was enough to give me a momentary secret fantasy of becoming a mover despite my creaky knees.
(scary, eh?)

I guess that the final shred of realization of how much I have lost interest and motivation came today when a customer brought in a McIntosh model 60 monoblock amp. I remember when the very SIGHT of something like that gleaming chrome and polished steel representation of the pinnicle of high-end vacuum-tube technology would have brought me to a state of ecstacy.....and the opportunity of repairing it unparalled Christmas day type joy.
Today's thought?
Meh...more broke shit to fix.


Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow...

Thank God it's FRIDAY

Another week has passed and there's really not that much to say about what went on that hasn't already been touched on in the blogs that preceeded.

Found an undiscovered CD burner in my pile of computer parts, so I think I'll be adding that to my newfound interest as well. That way when I meet another woman that wants a mix tape I can impress her with something a little more technically savvy looking - the mix CD.

I guess I can understand the desire of some women to find out what kind of music you're into, one's taste in music can say a lot about what you may/may not have in common with a person of the opposite sex. But it still strikes me as overwhelmingly "Highschool" and even a little bit sappy when the request is made. Truth be told I've only complied on one instance and that was 2 years and a marriage ago.

Hmm.....what would I put on a mix disc anyway?
Lemmee see....

1)No Quarter - Led Zepplin
2)Mr Blue Sky - ELO
3)Overkill - Men at Work
4)No Voices in the Sky - Motorhead (yes, Motorhead)
5)Instant Karma - John Lennon
6)Float on - Modest Mouse
7)Gimmee Shelter - Rolling Stones
8)The Way - Fastball
9)First Tube - Phish (yeah, I said "phish")
10)The Boxer - Paul Simon
11)Flashlight - Parlament
12)You Didn't Know me When - Harry Connick Jr
13)Godzilla - Blue Oyster Cult
14)Merry-Go-Round broke down - The Three Stooges
15)Rhapsody on a theme of Paganini - Rachmoninoff
16)Creature of the Wheel - White Zombie
17)So What - Miles Davis
18)The Ghost of Stephen Foster - Squirrel Nut Zippers
19)You dropped the Bomb on Me - Gap Band
20)Subterrainian Homesick Blues - Bob Dylan
...................and many more!

Looking back over the list I just typed, I gotta wonder just what kind of reaction some of those segways would invoke in a listener, but what the heck it is a MIX? isn't it? I'll probably have a completely different list if/when the time should come anyway.

Whatever, I think this is long enough. So I'll bid a fond 'adeu' and post.

Woo...Hoo....(!)

Today was a landmark day indeed, I finally (with the help of a noble, and helpful Zaron) got a PC capable of doing the things that I feel should be done. Yup.......I'm juiced......bouncing off the walls, no less.....

Anyone that has read my previous blogs will notice that I've had a sort of love/hate relationship with the machines called computers in the past, I just hope that this is coming to a quick and difinative end.


For those that are wondering; No, I am not yet blogging from my newfound machine......just the "other place", at least for now, but the cable guy is coming and soon I will have no reason not to simply stay home in the late night and do what comes naturally (no pun or innuendo intended).

Drunk......

I walked into a place that I know all too well.......
The owner showed me his new pride and joy!
and, though I can't say where I am
I must say I am inebriated and........Dangit, they have high speed access before I do.
Zaron, I have a disk now (98, that is.....)
Call man, lemmee know.

On Getting a Computer

.....Finally.

As I have been using the computer at work to surf the web and write
stuff on my blog for a while now, I finally broke down and decided that I need one of my own, especially if I want to be able to continue doing this sort of thing when I no longer work here.

"What?!??!!? You don't own a computer?"

No, and I haven't for some time now. (since 2001, as far as I can recall)

It's not that I can't use one, it's just that I really couldn't get all that excited about the internet, or computers in general for that matter. Yeah, I've had computers before:

A Southwest Technical Products that Dad got surplus. It had two terminals, a game called "Lander", and a 10meg hard drive (That weighed 60 pounds) it also had floppy disks (ever seen an 8" floppy?). But it was a beast to reckon with and soon broke down.

That wonderful TRS80 with the monochrome monitor and attached keyboard (actually the computer WAS the keyboard) that Mom and Dad got me. I named it, learned its language and taught it tricks. That was fun.

The less wonderful, but interesting TI-99. This one had a speech synthesiser, and a cassette deck to store programs. Still interested.

My one and only Apple, a II at that, now that was fun. I programmed it to do physics problems and a few little games, but then High School ended, and I went on to college.

Then came my first encounters with IBM and its many clones, classes in Fortran and C programming under the unmerciful direction of foreign grad students that only spoke little English, demanded much, and seemed to take great zeal in sucking every bit of enjoyment out of life. "You read book! Go do!" "Make calcurate pa-ree-gone air-yah! Due Friday!","My office close... You do for self!" Lockup, compiler errors and waining interest set in.

Next was (insert fanfair and ballyhoo) the internet! Now this was interesting, for the moment. I could e-mail distant relatives, buy junk on ebay and send instant messages, then my languishing machine crashed as interest began to wain again, I went about a year without a computer at home and didn't even miss it.

My next machine was a tribute to minimalism, a 486DX2-66 with a 40 meg hard drive, modem and sound card that I scavenged from junk parts. It was all I needed, simple and bare-boned, an internet answering machine if you will, it did what it had to do and nothing more. I was satisfied for a while.

Got married, computer crashed, Me and X got a notebook so she could
"write her novel and poetry" (Uh hmmm....no novel, no poetry, just solitare, solitare in bed, solitare at breakfast.."Can I use the computer?", "No, I'm busy with it".) Brief uses proved the internet to be a slow, cumbersome thing, laden with pop-ups and other frustrations and I simply said "Fuggit" and gave up.

And so has gone my relationship with this strange device that I once found so fascinating.

I'm gonna give it another chance now, before I turn completely Amish.

Standard Political Rant

"Bush sucks", "Bush doesn't suck", "Democrats suck", "Republicans suck"
It seems that everywhere I go these days I hear the same things over and over like a broken, yet very opinionated, record.

Perhaps Bush does suck....or at least some of his actions and shortcomings.

BUT WHAT DOES UNDOUBTEDLY SUCK......
is the fact that most people don't seem to realize that the Executive branch isn't the entire Federal Government. And by forgetting the fact that the House and Senate (Bodies composed of representatives from every state in the Union) have the power to overide the President and make decisions by a committee vote, we discard the very notion of representative government, in the making of laws, declaration of wars, and aid of our fellow citizens (whether in disaster, or simple healthcare).

So do these things before you bitch about the Prez:

1)Remember that he is only human, and nobody can be right all the time, this is why a system of checks and balances is built right into the consitution.

2)The People have the power to contact their representatives, join lobbys that pester them, and elect other reps. if they see fit.

3)Just because somebody has your favorite animal on their business card (Elephant or Donkey) doesn't make them qualified for the job.
Opinions, qualifications, and agendas still vary from person to person, and some people just suck.

4)Ask yourself, "Do I know who my representatives are?","And how do I contact them?"

If you can't honestly answer #4, then find out or just shut the hell up, you aren't participating in a democratic society if you don't give yourself a voice in the body that makes the laws, controls the actions and spending of the Government, and gives representation in goverment to individuals and groups of individuals (not just big business).

No matter what you think of Bush, he is not the ultimate authority and it's time that we stop thinking of him as such.

Don't bitch......organize.

Planning the Unplanable and Beef Stew

Here it is, once again.....Monday.
I pretty much had the whole weekend planned out, but as they say, "_____ happens" (and that doesn't necessarily have to be 'S#!t' in that blank either).

I had hoped to make it to the Artwalk, change the oil in Truck, call my sister, revise my resume and sneak into the shop to blog this weekend, but I slept too much. And I mean...TOO much, I usually get a max of about 6-8 hours before regaining conciousness, but strangely my internal alarm must have been broken or something and I didn't rise on Saturday until around 2, and worse yet Sunday.....um...4:30pm. At least I accomplished two goals, I helped Zaron move, and I made a big ol' pot of homemade beef stew:

3 lbs stew meat
2 large potatoes
1/2 onion (diced)
3 carrots (coined)
2 cans green beans
1/2 shotglass Worchestershire Sauce
1 shotglass red wine
Garlic powder (if ya got cloves of garlic, crush in 1-2 instead)
Black pepper (ground) to taste
Lowery's seasoned salt (1 tsp, or to taste)
(if you want to expound, add 1 green bell pepper and celery)


Brown meat in LARGE pot, stir in green beans (with water from can), add taters, onion and carrots along with other ingredients, bring to boil....reduce heat and let boil on low for about 4 hours or until meat is easily shredable with fork..
if too much liquid....drain off into saucepan, add enough water to make 1 cup (dry) rice.

This + Gladware + microwave = eatin' good for a week.
(In smaller batches, it's crockpotable too...8 hours, high heat)

The best thing about this recipe is that even the dullest of chef's can pull it off, and it seems to get better when reheated. Thank God and Grandma! Needless to say it's a change from frozen burritos or 'Der Beanundwienerglop':

2 hot dogs
1 can Showboat pork & beans
Crushed Lay's original potato chips.

Heat beans in pan, coin in wieners, bring to boil, remove heat, stir in chips to gloplike texture.....(better tasting than it sounds), it's quick and pretty much buzzproof.


Oh well, I guess the weekend could have been worse.
G'nite

Truck driver, Tire specialist or Insurance salesman

......Oh yeah, and the Navy is offering exciting careers in technology too!

I went to a couple of those wonderful job finder websites today, so far my career search and application process has been pretty much analog in nature, but I figured I might give it a goose in the caboose with the power of the Almighty Internet......

Won't try that again anytime soon, I only found one job that matched both my qualifications and documented experience.....TV repairman, and in Tuscaloosa no less.

I have a pretty wide range of experience in various and sundry other things, but... not a lot of documentation, formal employment history, or certification to back it up, besides that, which of these skills/trades do I choose, if any, if I want to shift to another field? Here's a list of examples:

Plumbing (installation and maintanence, but no certs.)
Electrical (Domestic and commercial installation incl. conduit and
breaker panels....even have my own bender and fishtape, but no
certs.)
Welding (Mig and flux....but that was just for hobby)
Auto collision repair (again, hobby)
Industrial controls (limited)
Automotive Mechanics (mostly hobby, but very extensive)
Carpentry and cabinate installation
Refrigeration/HVAC (limited. no certs.)
Custom Audiovisual installation/design
Satellite installation (C,Ku and DSS, receiver and dish)
Technical Education/Teaching (yup..ITT)
RF Communications (hobby, but I do have a couple of FCC licenses)
Business Management
Pneumatics and Hydrolics
Radio DJ (for a college station)
Broadcast equipment maintanence
Billing and Accounts
Sales (consumer)
Technical Writing
Research (the kind you do in a library...not a lab)
Custom tile installation
Painting (Cars and walls...but that's not special and it was hobby)
Computer programming (Basic, C++, Fortran, Assembly....But that shit
is just too tedious to be enjoyable and it's been over 10 years)
Design and prototyping (Mechanical,Electrical,Electronic....hobby and
contract)
Drafting (Schematics and Blueprints, but no CAD experience)
Contract Negotiation
Accounting (no certs here, just when necessary)
Landscaping
Staging, Sound and Lighting (2 years experience)
Commercial Video/Data projection
Floor maintenance
Clock repair (hobby)
Photography (hobby)
Sheetrock intallation and repair (limited)
Telephone repair (consumer and payphone)
Medical electronic equipment repair (endoscope, fetal heart monitor)
Jukebox Restoration
Guitar Amp repair
Custom shutter and Blind sales and installations
CCTV installation and maintanence
Alarm installation
CATV installation
Bartending (once, when drunk)
.......and I once delivered a baby goat(!)

I've never been fired from a job, and I'm a little tired of self-employment and side jobbing in addition to my main job. I just want a standard 5 day a week 9-5 job that pays well and has benefits other than back aches and the need to pop antacids like m&m's.

And I want to decide what I want to do for a living other than TV repair..... that won't require going back to school for what I already know.

Labor Day.....and guilty feelings

What a strange weekend this has been! A hodgpodge of events ranging from attending a childs birthday party, to "shock and comradery" with an old friend and the dissapointment at getting "stood up" by somone that seemed genuinely interested in getting together (I caught myself actually hoping that some emergency befell the young lady. I know that's mean but.....Dangit! If you tell me in certainty that you're gonna call or drop by,at least return my calls....
even if you just want to yell,"ASSHOLE!" when I answer and hang up on me, at least I'll know that you're alive, or that I can make other plans.).


And that was just Saturday


I went to work today, and so far my day has consisted of a 2 hour call from Mom and Dad, making coffee, and blogging. Yeah, I could (and probably should) use this closed shop day to catch up on the mountain of stuff that I still haven't done, but I'm tired of it all and really don't give enough of a damn to even get started when I know that:
1)I'll never catch up enough anyway
2)My customers aren't calling
3)It's a lost cause and even if I knock myself out, I'll not get any more pay or a scrap of recognition for doing so....Just the satisfaction of knowing that I attempted to patch the gash in the Titanic with a wad of chewing gum as it slips deeper into the waves.

But hey, when I finish this, I'll turn off the computer and be free until the alarm clock rings again. There are other things to do, other women to meet (who might be able to at least act stable)
and another job that'll pay enough to keep me from having to pack what I can get into my truck, dump the rest, and move in with Grandma out of state when this place finally reaches critical mass and implodes. God knows I'm searching and sooner or later somthing's gotta work out.

I just have to find a way of purging the guilt of not having it all work out despite my trying and convince myself that it's not due to lack of effort, but prevailing situations beyond my control.

And that's the hardest thing for me to do.

Southern Vs. Yankee

Having been one of only two members of my family to have been born and raised in the South, I feel that I have developed a strange duality of character, as the two cultures, while having definate similarities also have sometimes stark differences that vary to degree.

Here is a list of scenarios/and contrasts that may illustrate:

Opening doors for strangers- Southern folk will almost invariably open or hold doors for strangers/women, Yankees, in contrast, see this as something that is reserved for friends, family or women that they are dating. If a Yankee was to hold a door for a unknown man it might be seen as challenging his manhood. If he held it for a unknown woman it would be seen as coming on to her or challenging her independance, either way, he might get kicked in the nuts.
There are -of course- exceptions.

Joking around- Southern folk often make jokes about one another and/ or their mothers. A little poking fun is often reciprocated with no hard feelings on the part of either party. Yankees, on the other hand, generally either get their feelings deeply hurt or simply want to kick the ass of anyone that would make such comments or jibes, ass kicking being seen as the more obvious choice.

Social politics- Southern people will often smile and be gentile around people that they simply cannot stand, often hanging out with them and being friendly to their faces only to announce their displeasure with the folk and what they hate about them as soon as they leave the room, this is considered being "nice".
Yankees, however, don't usually follow this practice, choosing to either leave the room, not talk to the other fellow at all, or if the other person has committed some act or said something about them, confront the person and get all up in their shit.

Discussion of troubles- Southern folk will often tell each other stories about their childhoods, relationships, infirmaties and other concerns. Yankees, on the other hand, see this as an admission of inferiority rather than a sharing of the human experiance. For example, a Southerner might share the fact that he's worried about the outcome of a medical test with an aquaintance; a Yankee wouldn't dream of you even thinking he might be in some way impared unless he had something to gain by your knowing.

Trust- Most Southerners will trust a stranger to do the right thing in most circumstances, like turn in a lost possesion or watch their stuff for a couple of minutes. Southerners even leave their cars running when they run into a convenience store for a pack of smokes or some change for the paperbox. Yankees, on the other hand see this kind of thing as foolishness, feeling no pity when things go awry for these folks.

Lending a helping hand- Most people of Southern raising will do what they can to help out a fellow human. They'll jump start cars, loan money, help pick up spilled items in the parking lot, loan tools and give advice. Southerners will also gladly accept help in situations where they need it. Yankees, in contrast, often regard offers of help from strangers as pity, and might even get offended if they feel the offer is unwarranted, challenges their pride or makes them feel incapable. As far as giving help goes, they're not heartless bastards, but they usually see one's problems as being of one's own making and giving of something with nothing in return as being taken advantage of.

Of course these examples do not apply to all Southerners or Yankees, and the metropoliztion of the South and subsequent homogenization of American culture have led to a mixing of practices and customs..Yankees eat grits and Southerners eat rubarb pie now too.