Labor Day.....and guilty feelings
What a strange weekend this has been! A hodgpodge of events ranging from attending a childs birthday party, to "shock and comradery" with an old friend and the dissapointment at getting "stood up" by somone that seemed genuinely interested in getting together (I caught myself actually hoping that some emergency befell the young lady. I know that's mean but.....Dangit! If you tell me in certainty that you're gonna call or drop by,at least return my calls....
even if you just want to yell,"ASSHOLE!" when I answer and hang up on me, at least I'll know that you're alive, or that I can make other plans.).
And that was just Saturday
I went to work today, and so far my day has consisted of a 2 hour call from Mom and Dad, making coffee, and blogging. Yeah, I could (and probably should) use this closed shop day to catch up on the mountain of stuff that I still haven't done, but I'm tired of it all and really don't give enough of a damn to even get started when I know that:
1)I'll never catch up enough anyway
2)My customers aren't calling
3)It's a lost cause and even if I knock myself out, I'll not get any more pay or a scrap of recognition for doing so....Just the satisfaction of knowing that I attempted to patch the gash in the Titanic with a wad of chewing gum as it slips deeper into the waves.
But hey, when I finish this, I'll turn off the computer and be free until the alarm clock rings again. There are other things to do, other women to meet (who might be able to at least act stable)
and another job that'll pay enough to keep me from having to pack what I can get into my truck, dump the rest, and move in with Grandma out of state when this place finally reaches critical mass and implodes. God knows I'm searching and sooner or later somthing's gotta work out.
I just have to find a way of purging the guilt of not having it all work out despite my trying and convince myself that it's not due to lack of effort, but prevailing situations beyond my control.
And that's the hardest thing for me to do.
even if you just want to yell,"ASSHOLE!" when I answer and hang up on me, at least I'll know that you're alive, or that I can make other plans.).
And that was just Saturday
I went to work today, and so far my day has consisted of a 2 hour call from Mom and Dad, making coffee, and blogging. Yeah, I could (and probably should) use this closed shop day to catch up on the mountain of stuff that I still haven't done, but I'm tired of it all and really don't give enough of a damn to even get started when I know that:
1)I'll never catch up enough anyway
2)My customers aren't calling
3)It's a lost cause and even if I knock myself out, I'll not get any more pay or a scrap of recognition for doing so....Just the satisfaction of knowing that I attempted to patch the gash in the Titanic with a wad of chewing gum as it slips deeper into the waves.
But hey, when I finish this, I'll turn off the computer and be free until the alarm clock rings again. There are other things to do, other women to meet (who might be able to at least act stable)
and another job that'll pay enough to keep me from having to pack what I can get into my truck, dump the rest, and move in with Grandma out of state when this place finally reaches critical mass and implodes. God knows I'm searching and sooner or later somthing's gotta work out.
I just have to find a way of purging the guilt of not having it all work out despite my trying and convince myself that it's not due to lack of effort, but prevailing situations beyond my control.
And that's the hardest thing for me to do.
posted by Solderjunkie | 4:13 PM
2 Comments:
Right now it's the fact that the spambots have decended en-masse upon my quiet little corner of the internet....
But Lemmee tell ya, Saturday was the first time I even got wind of that situation.... And in a "Shhh....don't tell anybody way", talk about an out-of-the-blue type of response to, "What's he up to?"
I see you have been invaded too.
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