The Mind Also Wanders

That certain part.....

2007-10-24T23:18:00.000-07:00

The other night I once again dozed off on my couch with the TV on to awaken at some point to the endless, mindless drone of infomercials.
Now usually I would have just hit the switch and crawled away to the relatively improved comfort of my bed, but no - call it a moon-phase thing, or perhaps a little too much coffee at work - I actually caught myself watching one.

And a bad one, at that.

Perhaps you've seen it (or not):
The mood is upbeat, the people being interviewed are overly cheerful and present glowing reviews of the product; Then, as lively music is played in a world of prepetual sunshine, an attractive woman and a doctor ( oh, yeah, he must be doctor, he's wearing a labcoat and a stethascope!) present a new wonder pill that, despite all it's hype and fanfare is only described as being certain to (ahem, direct quote here!) "increase the size of a certain part of the male anatomy" .
Ok, I know I was half asleep, but somewhere in my little brain, a neuron sparked and I suddenly found myself wondering: Which part?
Yeah, sure.... they must have been talking about the euphamism.
But it got me wondering.
Could this just be a clever marketing scheme disguised in double-speak?
I, mean..... Hamburgers, turkey sandwiches and pot roast are certain to increase the size of a certain part of the male anatomy ( otherwise I wouldn't be paying for a gym membership, for crying out loud!).
Why, a sugar pill would certainly do that for sure, especially if some desperate fellow with miniscule self-esteem were to pop 'em like candy (Why not? After all, they say it's "safe and all-natural").
Dunno for sure.
Not really wanting to find out.
One thing is certain though: Tonight I'm gonna try falling asleep to the radio!

Hooo Boy!

2007-10-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

Looking over my last post, I began to wonder if it was perhaps it's a little too abysmal. I mean gosh, my life can't be that plain and boring, can it?
It's like since I finally gave up and became an engineer, I started to have a bit of a midlife crisis in reverse.

Not that I was ever all that wild in the first place.

Nope, compared to some of my friends I've always been considered something more akin to
"wild lite" in the past; often the nervous voice of reason in the crowd. Keeping the bills paid, the lights on and not straying further from the path than necessary to keep my interests piqued.

Some would say that I'm due for a midlife crisis, but that would just be stupid. I've seen it done time and time again; a rapid downward spiral of self-destructive behavior with the sole intention of reminding oneself that there was fun to be had.
But therein lies the problem; those things that one can get away with at the tender ages between 15-25 or so aren't so easily looked upon (or for that matter overlooked) in the world of the 30 or 40 somethings. Quitting your job to find yourself, going on drinking binges (or in some cases worse), getting that tattoo you always wanted, or dying your hair green and trying to start a punk-rock band, for that matter, are just stupid ideas.
It's like watching a drunk old man making passes at a good looking waitress in a sports bar, funny at first....... then unpityably tragic after the laughter dies down and the party ends to find him lying alone in a gutter after falling off his rainbow.

Midlife crisis? Nope, I've got a little too much self-respect to do that.

What the heck happened to me?

2007-10-20T22:07:00.000-07:00

I was just updating my profile...... ugh.
That's when it hit me, like a ton of bricks, no less.
I'm not really a "character" anymore, call it maturity (starting to feel a little sick here) or perhaps a new chapter in life; a lot of things have changed.
My ponytail is gone, I no longer wander about the "colorful" section of town haunting the local live music scene in a fedora and tweed coat spending the money that I make at a job I chose for it's constantly changing nature and oddball situation, and I no longer drive cars for the sake of keeping them alive.
These days I find myself driving a late model Volvo to my second-shift "life in a cubicle" type job that keeps me at home when I get there in the wee hours, usually long after the music has ended. Missing the constant physical activity of my old job -that included lugging TV's up flights of stairs and constantly lifting them to the workbench for repair- has driven me to get a gym membership and I've actually been golfing a time or two. I rarely ever wear a hat on weekdays anymore, and when I do, it's a plain ballcap. And when I do go out it's to the same bar, the one that my friends work at (and not, mind you, "friendly bartender" aquaintances, but the "Hey man, I'm having a cookout, gonna watch the game, going camping" type of friends) , to play video games, discuss politics and music and, in their words, sit and sip my beer "like an old man".
Last week I took my car to a mechanic........ a MECHANIC!
I, the guy who once in his life drove particular cars for the thrill of experiencing the glory of understanding the inner workings of automobiles - even to the point of having rebuilt cars from scratch with my own two hands just for giggles- went to a mechanic!

I guess this is what it feels like to be a grownup.

Just like starting over......

2007-10-20T21:29:00.001-07:00

..... or not.
It's been well over a year since I've blogged last, needless to say, stuff has happened.
Work has become a familiar routine, I no longer drive the same car, and it seems that more and more of my old friends have fallen into their own lives and make rarer appearances in the stream of my day to day events.
For a while it seemed that I too would find myself in a similar situation with an old dear friend that had once been a childhood aquaintance. Though that just wasn't meant to be, the point that our similarities ended was ultimately the ending of our relationship. Life's like that sometimes.

But enough of that.
I still have places to go and things to do, friends to meet, and events to attend.... just as always. I plan to make the next post a little more interesting, but for now I just want to reaffirm that I'm still alive and able to post.

A Quick Update

2006-08-21T23:40:00.000-07:00

....'cause I have places to go!

Long story short, I haven't been blogging as much as usual because (insert drumroll)

I Got A Job!!

I now work as a test engineer with CTDI (a Bellsouth, AT&T and Verizon contractor)

The work is good, the pay is good and, best of all, it's second shift (so I can still do the self-employment thing on the side).

the only down side is the 40 mile round trip commute....... I just might have to bite the bullet and buy a new car, but I'm not sweating it.

As soon as I adjust, I shall resume posting with the regularity of a fat man on a bran muffin binge.

You can't always judge on first appearances......

2006-08-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

.......and sometimes you really wish you didn't.

I got this lighter the other day when I was out and found that fire was the only element standing between relative calm and a 4-alarm Nic-fit (Dang Zippos..... they'll never be perfect until they come out with a model that's got a gas guage).

Long story short...... this particular one is apparently some kind of undercover redneck.
Or at least that was my first impression.

Perhaps it's my Northern side speaking here, but isn't that the wrong thing to be proud of?
Yeah sure, I like Gone With The Wind and all, but hasn't just about everything worth mentioning to be proud of happened AFTER the Civil war?

I don't know about you, but I think it's time that Southerners come up with a new symbol to represent the region and the progress it's made since antibellum times. Something that brings about thoughts of stuff like:
The literary contributions of Southern writers.
The battles won in the fight against racism and bigetry, and those who fought them.
Industrialization (heck, Mercedes Benz's are made in Alabama!)
The space program. (You don't see 'em landing, launching or building any rockets in North Dakota!)
Scientists and scientific discoveries (who'da thunk that there would have been so many uses for the lowly peanut?)
...............just to name a few things.

Nope, nothing wrong with a little Southern Pride........ I just wish that saying so didn't cause people to wonder just what you mean by that, and that it could be symbolized by something other than the battle flag of the old south.

Happy Birthday MTV!

2006-08-01T03:15:00.000-07:00

As of this date in history 25 years ago, nothing so formitable had come before, or for that matter since, the inception of MTV occured.

I still remember the tender young age at which I was introduced to this phenomenon (9... or was it 10?, nevermind, there it was, bands, playing music........On TELEVISION, no less!). Awsome, and at once strange....... and different. Yeah, the first time was heavy on the REO Speedwagon and Rod Stewart, but there was also The Prentenders, The Who and some Bowie........ all announced by The Buggles.

In the latter days came Remote Control, and even later Liquid Television, with the intoduction of Bevis and Butthead with (though still an unadmitted favorite, should one ask, cause she was just a cartoon) Daria and Aeon Flux.

I call out to all of my generation; Do you remember the promo in which the spectre of Death knocked on the door of a young man who answered, "Sorry, I'm watching MTV", and then replied politely with"OK, I'll wait until it's over." ?

Good thing we didn't take that seriously!

Sure, they don't show videos anymore (at least not when I'm watching), and the tribute (along with a rerun of the first day of programming) was shown by VH1 (admittedly because the people now in charge said that it would be a detrement to their younger audience to aknowledge their current age), but I still owe a debt nonetheless for who they were when I was who I was then.

No matter what you still gotta love the day that video killed the radio star, 'cause even if MTV sucks today, it's history, man, like the day man landed on the moon!

Oh snap! I gotta do something about this! But what?

2006-07-31T21:12:00.000-07:00

.......Another unseen peril of self-employment jumps up and bites me on my narrow white ass.

After another failed attempt to get a "regular job" today, I frustratedly asked the interviewer what qualities of my experience and education prevented me from qualifying. And in an unseen bout of H.R. honesty; Instead of the usual, "You're just not the candidate we had in mind, sir.", I got a real answer, and not just an apologenic one, but one that makes sense:

"Your work history indicates you are currently self-employed."

It has finally come to my attentions that nothing scares the ever-livin' s#!t out of a prospective employer like the idea of hiring on, training, and placing a guy in charge of stuff that might just abscond with your customers and expensive knowlege for his own business. Why didn't I think of that!?!!!???

And to make matters worse, I put some of my current clients down as "professional references"!
Imagine how it looks when the former manager of a now-defunct company's references are contacted, only to explain that I was the one that originally negotiated the contracts with said defunct company!

Now I've got's problems, 'cause without those references, and the last 6 months proof of occupation, I stand just as little chance of looking good on paper. Especially since the owner of the last business I worked for (and that was for a period of 9 years, mind you!) cannot be contacted becuase he has left the country for Iran..... of all places.

Dammit anyway!

And now what?

2006-07-29T22:54:00.000-07:00

Ever since I discovered that man cannot live on TV repair alone in this era of disposable electronics and changing video formats, I have been wondering what I should do for a living while remaining self-employed (thus keeping the squeeze off and hopefully avoiding a situation where I jump at the first job offer and spend the rest of my years on this Green Marble in a job that I quickly grow to despise). Yeah, I've gots me some freedom but I still crave the predicable work hours and lack of tax forms that come with a "regular job".

The question that I face right now is, "What should I do?". I've tried a lot of stuff in the past, from plumbing to teaching (though, there's not a big range between those examples in my mind
since both involve putting up with s#!t in one form or another), but have failed to find anything as satisfying and varied as electronic repair, especially when service calls are involved.

So now what? After a long night of consuming coffee and meditating in a trance-like state while listening to Miles Davis and Mozart, I think I've come up with a solution; The 6 sided Die
(not that I actually own one, the cool kids never let me play D&D with them back in the day).

I figure that I'll just list out the top 6 occupations that I find most interesting (from "research scientist" to "live in a cave in Patagonia and herd sheep"), and let the dice do the deciding, or at least the narrowing down, and even if the choice happens to require more educaton or training, I'll just go for it.

................Or perhaps I should drink a little less coffee and just keep trolling Monster.

Trouble and problems?

2006-07-29T04:23:00.000-07:00

After the rant from the night before, I set up a special blog just for the purpose of venting anger, and dangit, despite my hopes and, believe it or not, expectations; wouldn't you know that I would have a wonderful day with nothing to complain about! Honestly, I mean it!
A good end to the trend, but I was hoping to have something to rant about!
Enough pseudoanger already: a confession is due.
Have you ever known someone that, no matter what (honest, you could be standing hip-deep in s#!t at the moment you see 'er crossing your path), cannot make you fail to smile?
Bingo, there she was! Oh well, I can be cantankerous another day (I'll add a facitous "ho hum" here).
Silly boy that I am.

The Horrible Missapropriation of Science and Technology

2006-07-28T04:02:00.000-07:00

"Oh God, what have we done"
(Nagasaki bomb drop 1945)
As a lifelong lover of science and technology, I have always dreaded the coming of the time that I would be placed in the juxtoposional point between understanding of the universe and "killer of innocents". Yeah , I know that it sounds silly coming from a TV repairman, but science on any level poses a danger to those seeking knowledge, as well as those who their understanding may touch.
My screen name alone is a testiment to such, as it comes from the fact that I was told by a Neuropathologist that my "irregularity of gait" and "supression of reasoning ability" were the direct result of "continued contact and chronic accumulation" of lead; specifically from solder.

This I can accept, as it was a concious choice............not unlike my smoking........there I was and I did it....... damn the torpedos, Marie Curie did the same! ( though in her defense, she didn't know the danger)

But there is a line, as with my latest job offer, that must not be crossed; No matter what you offer me, I don't give a damn if every earthly pleasure will be at my beck and call. I WILL NOT CONTRIBUTE TO THE KILLING OF INNOCENENTS! I don't give a DAMN if you say if it's for "national security" (though I would have killed any of those that participated in the 911 attacks with my bare hands -given the lack of power tools- on the same principal).

I know in my heart that the majority of those in countries seen as "evil" are just as much apposed to the madness of the ruling power as I am to that damn idiot we call a president, despite the fact that we must simply go about our daily lives, keep the bills paid, and hope for better odds the next time we might have a "majority vote" in how we are represented and ruled.

"Confessional or Bitching Post ?"

2006-07-27T18:40:00.000-07:00

"There are some things that when said or shouted, even in anonymity, unburden the soul and allow us a deeper understanding, in retrospect, of what we find important in life"

My Great Uncle Bob (an ex-commando with the demeanor of Mr. Rodgers) once told me that on the base, some distance from the barracks, they had a "bitching post". A single post, set in the ground, painted white and clearly marked as such. The idea being that if anyone found themselves to be a "little out of sorts" or merely wishing to verbally exhibit their frustrations (i.e. "cuss like a sombitch"), there would be a benign outlet for their anger ( kicking the post was also allowed, as it was always someone's duty- namely the last one not to utilize this resource- to keep it whitewashed and upright).

Today as I stand here once again before my computer in my boxer shorts, smoking my Camels and drinking coffee that has been cooking in the pot to the point of having the sweet aroma of burning rubber bands........ the thought entered my head that this tiny drop of noise in the ocean of information known as the internet now has (in theory at least) a door to a wider audience by way of my MySpace link.

And it set me to wondering......... Now that more of my friends can get to it, will they indeed read it? And, if so, will I feel the need to edit myself for content?

No more am I the anonymous "Solderjunkie" to them, if indeed they should somehow serindipitously stumble upon my blog. More importantly; Have I lost my confessional/bitching post?

In Memory of The Anti-Chrysler (1991-1998)

2006-07-26T16:28:00.000-07:00

The car is the Cordoba with the fine corinthian corduroy!
(sorry about the pic quality, my scanner is a bit dirty)

A couple of my closest friends who, assured that all statutes-of-limitations have expired, are making a movie based on the exploits of our shared misspent youth (Thank God I wasn't planning a career in politics!).

Think something along the lines of "Ferris Bueller" meets "Blues Brothers" meets "Dazed and Confused" with a bit of "The Big Lebowski" and some "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and "American Graffiti" thrown in....... and you might come close.

Anyhoo.... During the requisite reminesing that followed, the question arose as to what ever became of the car that served as our own personal bat/blues-mobile; The gargantuan, gas guzzeling, livingroom-couch-on-wheels known simply as....... The Antichrysler

I purchased this car right after I graduated from high school for the whopping sum of $94
and continued to drive it until it died in 1998.

Though I won't delve too deeply into the madness that it witnessed, it was not only the largest car I've ever owned, but my favorite. Without it, I would have certainly lived a more boring, less adventurous life back in the day.

Hoo.....boy. Now I've gone and done it!

2006-07-25T21:39:00.000-07:00

Yeah, you guessed it, I got a MySpace page........
.........not that there's anything wrong with that!

For a long time now I had been avoiding getting one, just on principal alone. I mean, as a divorced, balding 34 year old, the notion of posting on a page populated by youth had always made me feel like I would be "that creepy guy". You know, the one that sits on the park bench near the swing set eating his lunch and effortlessly frightening women and children by the power of mere presence. It doesn't matter if he's a good guy- he could be a minister, doctor, or even a child advocate attorney- right now, he's just out of place enough to be scary.

Long story short:
After what has seemed like eons of subtle suggestion and assurances, I finally caved in to peer pressure. A photo was posted as well as a profile and a blog referencing this one.

So far, so good. I don't feel the least bit creepy!

And I bought 3 pairs of khaki pants.... For this!

2006-07-25T04:43:00.000-07:00

Perhaps next time I should tell them that I'm uneducated, inexperienced....... and retarded!

I know that I haven't blogged in a while so let me catch you up:

A little over a week ago, I found a posting for a job with a national company that services office copiers. Yeah, I'll admit that it was a little below my skill level, but what the heck? An 8-5 workday, 401k, Medical, dental, optical insurance and a 32k starting salary with my weekends free? Hell yeah! No headaches, little paperwork, nothing exorbitantly complicated to do;
Just sit at home waiting for trouble calls to come in on a Blackberry, and come in to the home office once a week for your paycheck, continuing training and a refresh of your stock of parts.

So I interviewed, took the pre-employment tests, handed over some credentials and filled out an application.

The manager reviewed my stuff, called me in for another interview (just to be sure) and...... yee-ha, told me to come in Monday to start work.

Long story short, I went to work all bright eyed and bushy tailed and began my orientation......
only to be called into the office 1/2 way through my first day and told sheepishly by the manager that had been so eager to hire me that he had jumped the gun by starting me in expectation of approval by higher ups. Corporate HR had called and told him to put a "hold" on my employment due to "overqualification"!

At least he said he'll "do his best and call me before the end of the week".

meh........ wearing khakis eveyday would have probably given me worms anyway.

Woo hoo! woo......hoo?

2006-07-15T14:42:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those moments when all seemed right and you just felt that you had to celebrate that fleeting euphoria, only to be bummed out with the next tick of the second hand?

Like when the hot and awsome woman you've been dying to date finally calls and engages you in pleasent conversation only to ask what your "hot awsome" friend's phone number is.

Dangit.

Oh well, she's probably got worms anyway.

For the Love of God.....If you have a shred of charity left

2006-07-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

......hire me!

"Desperation is one of those strange nebulous things that can somehow be sensed by some people..... like women, mad dogs, cops and HR directors..... thus complicating life."
----------Anonymous
(ok, I added the "cops and HR directors" part)

Well kiddies, here it is......... Another upcoming weekend and I'm still self employed.... standing here in my boxers in front of my computer trolling Monster and waiting for the phone to ring, with not much more than a file of little pink tickets marked "Accounts Receivable" to show for my efforts. Not that I should complain, but just you try paying your bartender, gas station attendant or cat groomer with a ticket marked "Balance due" and see what they say.

But I really can't keep up the rant; Midway through this post I got the call and had to run in for some work, so at least I'll have some cash on hand for the weekend!

Another day, another application, and a scehuled interview

2006-07-12T16:56:00.000-07:00

I spent the day today snowstorming various companies with resumes and generally trying my best to look nerdy enough to fit the roles for which they say I'm qualifried.......

.....long story short, not much of a challenge.

Promising leads include a copy machine company (interview sheduled). For the absolute joy of servicing copiers these happy fellows are willing to offer a starting salary in the mid 30's, a generous 401k (matching .75 cents to every dollar contributed), one week of vacation time, an 8-5 five day workweek; and health/optical/dental insurance. Oh, yeah, and I get a Blackberry too!

But there's a catch......... I gotta use my own car to run the calls and 38 cents/mile just doesn't sound peachy these days.

Other leads include:
Broadcast TV Engineer
Automated chicken processor repairman (I'm not so hot on this one)
Audiovisual system installer (requires travel)
2-way radio installer
Automated Communications and Tower Maintenance (Awsome pay, but I'd be the lucky S.O.B that gets to change the blinky red light on top, and that's scary folks.....real scary)

Nevertheless, my spirits are uplifted and I feel better already!

Amazing Grace......

2006-07-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

Was blind but now I see.....

After more than a week of relative blindness punctuated with brief periods of nearly nausiating eyestrain induced headaches from a 12 year old pair of specticals, I have finally recieved my replacement eyeball enhancers returning me to the realm of the sighted... for the most part.

Now I can get about to the serious business of doing things that require visual acuity!

First and formost being the legwork portion of job-hunting.
"But wait, I thought you were self-employed! What about your business dreams?" you say.

Long story short.........SCREW THAT! The stress and uncertainty are killing me!

For the last 6 months I've spent every waking (and non-waking) moment:
-obsessing about the gov. required paperwork (taxes...... taxes, and more taxes, better dot those I's and cross those T's buddy..... the little guys are the one's that get reamed for looking like crack dealers in good times or evaders in the bad ones)
-paying out-of-pocket for healthcare or going without (Insurance is 'spensive)
-freaking out on days when there is nothing to do but freak out.... as there is no pay unless something is getting done.
-pinching pennies as though I may never see money again (ok, Balogna and cheese do go well with ramen noodle soup...... I admit)
-pestering potential clients like a 5 Points crackhead lookin' for spare change.
-thinking "Ouch! my aching credit!" (Due to the great number of small businesses that go bankrupt in the first 5 years of operation, proof of income is given as the average net of a 5 year span of operation, "5 months" gets you a snicker......5 months with a business plan gets you a smile, the promise of some butt whomping intrest and another fixed expense to go with your variable income.....yikes!)
-Handing constant fear that the clients that you have will drop you like a hot tater, or simply cancel scheduled work in leu of a larger company with better facilities and the customer base to undersell you and take a loss just to hook your client...... bastards!
-Dealing with the morbid thought that if I have an accident, fall off a ladder, get attacked by a pit bull or face some other form of injury that limits or ends my ability to work like a whipped slave, I would be out of business and perhaps facing lawsuits for breach of contract.

So the word now is "get a job, now that you can see who you're shaking hands with"!

Almost Spontaineous

2006-07-09T15:42:00.000-07:00

Advetures in Atlanta.....
Now, those that know me know that I'm not exactly the most impulsive creature on this Green Marble..... a trait I have developed as a defense mechanism against my genetic luck deficiency and history of poor judgement.

Yet, despite this I somehow strive on occasion to force myself to do things that I inherantly know will be "fun".......grudgingly charging forth with as much a sense of cautious optimism as dread.

Yeah, I'd lost my glasses white water canoeing (still haven't recieved the replacements), got stood up on a blind date (a blessing in disguise?) and sprained the wrist of my drinking hand.....all within the proceeding 5 days. But when a friend invited Zaron and I to attend his opening performance for Ministry at the Masquerade in the ATL, I grudgingly mustered my pluck for yet another adventure.......admitting that I did, after all, have a great time on all three preceeding occasions despite loss, injury and/or peril.

I donned black, had a hellova road trip, drank, listened to loud music with unintelligable lyrics, smuggled a bottle of Cuervo past cops in my pants, drank more, partied like the friend of a rockstar, participated in the trashing of a hotel room and forgot about life's difficulties for a whole 24hrs......despite an attack of flatulence that I'm told (but honestly don't remember) resulted in my breaking wind in the face of very hot girl.
Not a bad time indeed. I'd say more but, I have some needlepoint I gotta get done.

Details on "introduction" mentioned in last post

2006-07-04T23:33:00.000-07:00

Long story short: She didn't show up!

No good can come of this.......

2006-07-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

Not really sure why, but as of late a number of friends of mine (driven either by pure good intent, or by envy of my seemingly happy-go-lucky bachelorhood to destroy that which they cannot posess) have taken it upon themselves to introduce me to members of the opposite sex.
Not that I should complain, but for one fact.
It has been pretty obvious to me for some time that something in my nature..... pheramones, neurosis or eccentricities strongly attracts only two types among the vast cornacopia of modern American females, best described as "Hummingbirds" and "Hens".

For the uninitated, I shall define these terms as best I can.....
First the Hummingbirds:
Flighty and independant-minded, the rule is that there are no rules....and only a fool would try to predict the revelations of the next moment. To them there is no such word as embarassment. Typical behaviors include:
Singing karaoke deliberately off-key in the voice of a child
Treating an unsuspecting Douchbag to a mat-shot
Impersonating Xena the Warrior princess ("aye-yah-yee-yee-yee-yah!")
Leaping up in mid conversation to dance frenetically to their favorite song (as you sit watching the handbag)
Belching the National Anthem
Dropping by at 3am with a case of beer
Starting a food fight in a restaurant
Showing off tattoos in places that really shouldn't be shown in a public place
Inciting one to wonder where a grown woman would aquire a pair of panties emblazed with the
likeness of Curious George while riding in the back seat of a car occupied by a more sane couple.
Just to name a few.
Thankfully, I have never allowed any of these to progress to the status of "girlfriend" or, by virtue of good hygene, "one night stand".

Now the Hens, on the other hand, are a different thing altogether. Typically a bit more rubenesque, their personas exude an unmistakable aura of desperation and clingyness, and though, while a bit more reserved they do have their moments of forcefulness.
Typical Hen behaviors include:
Feining intrest in anything that you seem to find interesting
Cooking meals (preferably breakfast)
Pestering friends for details on your financial stability
Suggesting wardrobe changes, hairstyles, or shoes they want you to try
Suprise encounters with their mother and/or Children of a previous marriage
Invitations to "singles night" at the Baptist Church or Synagog...... despite your being Catholic
Insisting on paying for dinner
Hiding your cigarettes
Offering naive suggestions on how to streamline or expand your business
Calling at odd hours to check up on you....... and calling..... and calling.... and calling
Materializing in your favorite neighborhood bar, and expressing concern that you are (gasp!) drinking a beer.......on a Tuesday!

I haven't yet decided which of these types I find more frightening..... but research is ongoing. And shall continue as long as I have an interest in women. The next "blind encounter" is scheduled for Monday.
Watch this space for details.

.....Or Just Go Bowling Instead

2006-06-12T17:13:00.000-07:00

Tales from the closet of forgotten sporting-type stuff

Upon reciept of an invitation to go bowling with some friends, I began the nearly archeological dig for my bowling ball, and the voyage of realization that I have spent the past 10 or so years in a state of either hopeless lazyness or workaholism. Other relics unearthed in the dig included:
1) A pair of Rollerblades
2)Tent, backpack, sleeping-bag and other camping related objects.
3)Rod and reel
4)A set of rather nice, albeit slightly used, 35lb dumbells
5)A soccer ball - yup, a soccer ball.

Needless to say, by the time I got the ball out and the closet reloaded in perfect Tetris-like manner, I was ready for a nap.

Still going bowling though....... next time you're looking for me, I'll be the fat guy with his arm in a sling.

And you know you've been spending too much time working when...

2006-05-19T22:02:00.000-07:00

......your presistant absence is enough to annoy an independant-minded housecat.

Now, I will admit that I've been a bit of a workaholic as of late. Between the installation jobs, running about town to pick up parts and units to repair from hotels and fighting a losing battle to keep my truck running ( Affirming my belief, upon certain discoveries I have made, that no mechnic is to be trusted -What is so gosh darn hard about the concept of using all the bolts and torquing them to specification? or at least doing the whole f*@king job!!! Needless to say, this was the second time in my life that I paid someone to work on a vehicle, and possibly the last!)

It would seem that my cat, Freddy, was a bit more than annoyed with all the comings and goings combined with a lack of attention........ Yes, kiddies....... those ain't Twix bars in my hat!

And you wonder why I don't bother to date.

....In service of my fascinations

2006-05-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

Yippee.... tomorrow is the Hamfest...
And what the heck is a hamfest?
Every year the local amatuer radio club hosts a festival drawing hundreds of Ham radio operators, junk dealers, computer geeks and electronic communication afficianados, to a location seemingly publicized only to those in that circle, for FCC license exams, an electronic flea market, various and sundry communications related events, forums (including emergency communication preparedness) and the warm-fuzzy feelings of knowing that you are not the only nerd in the world - and perhaps not the nerdiest by a long shot.

I have been attending these regularly, with few exceptions, since I was literally in diapers.

My favorite part has always been the flea market. In the past it has proven a regular
Easter egg hunt of technological marvels the likes of which may only be found on Ebay in limited quantity. Past purchases have included antique radio tubes, a gieger counter, a device that is capable of activating brake lights by remote control ( in fact a radar detector tester), communications antennae, air horns, strobe lights, de-militerized night vision apparatus and various bits and pieces of stuff that can be reconfigured to suit my interests and fit my percieved needs! (oh yeah, can't forget Mother's day is coming fast, perhaps I'll find something for Mum).

I can hardly contain the excitement!

Ok, for those of you who didn't know already: I was raised by ham radio operators, Mom, Dad, Me, two cousins, an aunt, an uncle and my brother in law all have this stange trait in common - go figure.

I really had a good post......

2006-05-04T22:38:00.000-07:00

No, really Honest I did!

I've all but given up on the idea of blogging as of late.

First of all, I have almost no time to myself to compose when I feel the muse coming on; not a recent development, but I have been either really busy or just wanting to vege out when I'm not running myself ragged.

Secondly, I have to admit that the times when I have found the time, felt the inspiration or just had something to cuss about, I've been a pretty poor operator of the post creator..... Tonight was just another in a long chain of attempts that resulted in disaster when I did something I couldn't undo (uploaded the wrong image, not having an "undo" or "delete image" option) and totally screwed up in a vain attempt at editing the html.....

Oh sure, I can still somewhat remember how to run a C++ compiler and debug after 10 years of non use, but I'll be damned if I'll bust my ass to learn Html in this day and age just for the shits and giggles of having a unique website that nobody will ever look at - or for that matter even find with a turbocharged search engine.

No offense kids, but if I'm going to put that kind of time and effort into a project it's gotta have some income potential, serve my fascinations or at least get me laid (ok, make me think it'll get me laid, but that's not the point!).

Truth is, I really like posting, I just can't seem to get around to it as often as I should, and it's starting to bug me.

"And just what the hell is your problem, Muthafu@#er!?!"

2006-04-19T22:03:00.000-07:00

"Just trying to get some sleep, how 'bout I call the cops and have them explain it to ya?"

It would seem that the obviously mentally deficient redneck couple that lives in my building has taken the Jerry Springer prize for endurance fighting. 36 hours, no less... and, as far as I can tell, without any rest or remorse on the part of either party.

Oh, sure there were the "door-slamming cussing at one another in the parking lot before tearing off in a cloud of tire smoke" moments that heralded short periods of only having to listen to one person below shouting, punching walls, and breaking stuff. But no more than 30 minutes later the other would return to trade places and continue the cycle, before taking their turn at being the one left to shout and break things alone after a shouting match in the most public space an apartment complex could offer.

Yeah, I wanted to stay out of the mess, but come on.... not being at the benefit of whatever Methamphetamine or super trucker grade no-doze these country-fried morons were on, I finally had to interject in the name of sleep.

"Hey man" was as far as I got.

They went down like insurgents, separate cars, cussing and spitting like a couple of wild cats.
"Whole lotta speed in there" was all john law said.

Feast, Famine........or Choking like a competitive hot-dog eater on a bad day

2006-04-11T20:51:00.000-07:00

.....yeah, I'm still alive.....

I was contacted the other day by a concerned friend that had noticed that I hadn't posted, and more alarmingly, had left my computer in standby for about a week with my Google chat turned on. (I had completly forgot about that after using it to look up some parts for a job I did last week)

Oh, the joys of self-employment.......... for the uninitiated, it means sitting idle for periods with intersperced work, punctuated with times like the one I'm in right now........ almost too much for one guy to handle. The simultaneous worry that it won't keep coming at the present rate (I spent the proceding week with only one, yes one, einsy-weensy payout, less than 2 weeks of groceries worth) combined with the feeling of glee when the bill is paid and the checks are deposited.

Long story short.... I've been torn between the realizations that the cash be a'coming and that I actually had forgotton my username since the last time I posted anything.

So what to do? Yup, you guessed it.... work too hard to worry, but never worry too hard to work.

Back to work

2006-02-27T18:57:00.001-08:00

Following the closure of the shop I quickly discovered a couple of truths:
1) I have what is considered a "unique skill set"
2) I am either: A) Underqualified (having a 10 year old BS in electronic engineering without working professionally in the design field is like having a BS in artistic urination....... sans the ability to collect grant money from the National Endowment for the Arts). B) My experience is mostly undocumented despite my abilities and it would take years of documented work in any one field to reach the level of income I had obtained at my previous job.

So I just went into business for myself........ so far, so good, so nerve wracking.
I have a couple of commercial clients as of now and hope to add more.
Home based commercial repair ain't all bad though I just hope it all works out.

Pictured above is my current place of business. Note my personal assistant, alarm clock, watch-cat Freddy, on the right.

Yes, I'm still alive.....

2006-02-27T16:45:00.000-08:00

But I must say, January really sucked, and February has been a busy month indeed.
My luck turned right after Christmas, beginning with the Flu resulting in a bleeding sinus infection and a trip to the doc. By New Years I was feeling well enough but I wound up getting a scratch on the cornea of my left eye that got infected, resulting in more doctor time and the subsequent loss of about 40% of my vision due to scarring. All through the suckatude I continued to work diligently through fever and blindness.
Then came the call from the owner of the company.......Close the business down.....in four days! Turns out that Mr Bigshot had in his absence continued to charge stuff to the company accounts while neglecting the little things, like taxes, W-2 witholding, and rent payment.... and, after a panic meeting with his accountant, found himself up a certain smelly creek with a turd for a paddle. I did the best I could to get everything back to the customers, but still got a hatchet to the windshield of my truck (which I had left unwisely parked behind the shop overnight) courtesy of some jackass.

A NOTE TO REPAIR CUSTOMERS: (regardless of what you want repaired or where you take it) "Back ordered" means that the Parts ARE NOT currently available to fix your unit. It is not the fault of the company performing the repair or its employees if the company must cancel said orders and return your stuff un-repaired because it's going out of business. Regardless of how long the order has been outstanding anyone expressing outrage will be reported to police as a potential suspect in case of vandalism.

Unfortunately I didn't keep a list.

Things are looking up now....... but that's the next post.

Merry 1st Christmas Phillip!

2005-12-26T20:23:00.000-08:00

I must say that most of my Christmas experiances had left me feeling a little weary at best, and generally frustrated with the family at worst.... Then this little guy came along. Suddenly the notion of high airfares, baggage with a greater sense of adventure than indicated by my tickets, inattentive relatives and dollar store gifts became too insignificant to notice.

Yeah, I still had to wonder how my suitcase wound up in Chicago and why my flight to Tampa had a two hour layover in North Carolina. The annual acting out of the thoroughly rehearsed performance of, "Gee wow, that's a nice pen! Thanks Mom!" with all the sincerity of Shakesperian Drama came too.

But it was all worth it to meet my nephew for the first time....... and I didn't even have to set up the TV jammer, as (as was seemingly never before) we actually interacted as a family: All together and all smiles we worked as a team to constantly entertain this amazing bundle of giggling, slobbering ever inquisitive joy as he and we experianced Christmas in a wonderful new way. We shared stories, we connected and we conversed too!

One day I'll have to thank the little dude, he acomplished something that a wide spectrum frequency shifting ocillator coupled with a 100watt class "A" RF amplifier never could in my wildest dreams! Hope you had a Merry one too!

F.C.C. rules and regulations and family time.

2005-12-14T22:51:00.000-08:00

The Holiday season is upon us, and once again I find myself faced with a impending trip home to spend quality time with the family that I rarely see and sometimes wish to know better.

After several events last time I was with them for a precious few days last October and last Christmas in which they went as far as to actually SEPARATE into DIFFERENT rooms to compulsively watch their favorite television programs in a partially comatose state punctuated with shushing and shifting, I found the determination to work on my latest project.

F.C.C. rules and regulations subpart C
1 - Electronic devices must not create harmful interference
2 - (my favorite part) Devices must accept interference, including that which may cause undesired operation.

My only fears are that it might require an explaination in the screening line at the airport ........and that the lack of TV might bring about something other than "togetherness".

It's Alive!

2005-12-10T14:46:00.000-08:00

Got the home machine back up today, after having to use the one at work for a while.
Never thought I would miss a computer so much, man. I still can't believe that I almost went a whole 5 years without one before I got the one have now (thanks to Rush).
The days seemed to drag past as slowly as the machine at work. But now it's all good.
And I have installed some kickass auto-updating antivirus software as well, just in case something like this tries to happen again.

Sunday's Adventure

2005-12-07T22:01:00.000-08:00

For some years now I have been invited by the most loyal client of my home-based business (as well as his willing minions) to go on the annual trip he sponsors for his friends and associates, and I have always politely declined citing the following reasons:

1)It's a chartered bus trip to a major casino
2)My uncanny (and, I believe genetically endowed) tendacy to be very, very unlucky.

But this time I said yes, went, and dammit I had a good time.
I actually came out ahead, not by luck though, but by calculation.

How? It would seem that the casino, in an attempt to cater to those that it hopes to make regular customers "comps" first time visitors on the buffet (quite tasty and all-you-can-eat) and on drinks; moderation being key, but even so, a man can down a quite a few over a 6 hour foray and barely keep get a buzz given the free chow.

Here's the math:
Buffett ............................................ $13.50 (comp.)
Black coffee w/shot of Wild turkey (energy drink)... $ 5.00 (comp.)
Beer (Budwieser, of course)..................... 8 @ $ 3.00 (comp.)
Live band performance in lounge(based on local shows) $ 5.00 (comp.)
Watching the pit bosses swarm about nervously as my esteemed client and his buddies run the blackjack table out of $1000.00 chips, twice.
................ Priceless
---------------- total complementary stuff... $47.50
total gaming losses......... $40.00
----------------
Net gains ....... $ 7.50

Woo hoo!

Even if one doesn't count the band, I still came out ahead, had a fun day away from the usual drudgery, and got to watch what I swear to be the luckiest S.O.B. on Earth in action!
Not to mention the fact that I gave myself over 100 chances to come home a jackpot winner.... Yeah, right! Like that could happen!

It's 12:30 am, Do you know where your mouse cursor is?

2005-12-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

I don't!

It would seem that some kind of ultrasneaky malware has stolen my little arrow of joy leaving me to depend solely on keyboard shortcuts to navigate windows and the web. No scan has yet caught the sneaky bugger, but I 'm getting better at working mouseless. Now off to search for a new driver!

Fame? Sure.....That'll be $12,000,000. Paper or plastic?

2005-11-30T21:46:00.000-08:00

Was sitting in front of the TV this morning, going about my morning coffee&cigarette while watching CNN ritual and saw a piece on product/business naming and what it takes to get recognition.
According to the expert analyst (Lord knows, news channels have cornered the market on these guys!) it takes about 12 million in advertisment and exposure of a new business, product, or name to get it "recognized" by the general public.

This suddenly made sense as the coffee started to kick in, there are only 3 ways for someone to get famous:
1) Spend the approx. 12million on promotion and advertisement (this is what politicians do in most cases)
2) Do something that will make the news agencies give you the exposure! (Works mostly for heinous perpitrators of awful acts...... oh yeah, and politicians too...)
3) Do something that various agents will, under contract for a portion of the proceeds arising from the resulting fame, fund the necessary exposure/advertisment (JK Rawling..... Kurt Cobain..... that skinny chick that models those clothes and that perfume, even Dear Abby and Dr. Phil fit in here right along with Wierd "Al" Yankovic et. al.)

Then another thing made sense as well....... as CNN began their entertainment segment with a piece on a stalked celeb.... why bother?

Color Wheel! Next I expect they'll run on coal.

2005-11-28T22:04:00.000-08:00

Ever had or known anyone else that had one of those post-modern aluminum Christmas trees with the rotating color wheel spotlight behind it?
It would seem that someone at Samsung Electronics did, and what a difference in price and reliability it has made in their DLP televisions......sadly, both being proportionally lower.

"What?", You ask.

Here's the lowdown...

DLP chips (a miracle of technology in themselves) can only produce a picture in shades of grey. Yup, black and white. So the original way to get a color picture using DLP technology was to use three of them, each with its own color filter - red, blue and green -, then combine the three images to make one beautiful picture using mirrors or prisms.

But that was too expensive to compete with the old style of Projection TV's that used 3 picture tubes (C.R.T.s) - believe it or not.

So Samsung got an idea.... Why not just use one chip for all three by alternating filters of each color in the light stream? Just flash the one-color images so fast on the screen that it fools the brain into thinking it sees one full-color picture?

And thus the color-wheel was reborn.

Problem? In order to create the required 30 full-color frames a second that modern TV shows us, the wheel has to rotate at 1800 rpm in close proximity to the very hot (and equally short-lived) light source. The bearings and the motor fail......first it whirrs loudly (some have even been known to drown out their own audio) for a time then the picture either disappears or goes to only one color.

Thanks Samsung, now that you've found a way to put moving parts in a High Definition DLP TV I might just stand a chance of sticking with this career!

"Black Friday"

2005-11-26T22:25:00.000-08:00

Ever had an idea, and wondered if it was just a product of some sort of temporary insanity? It would seem I made the tactical error of buying shots without taking the factor of "reciprocity" into account....... along with the fact that others didn't have to work on Black Friday.

I only expected the one shot, followed by a "Thanks man- Happy Turkey Day", but I found myself at the center of what I deemed to be a tsuami of generously given liquor, appreciating the motive but not the end result. Yeah, each may have only had two shots that fateful night - one from me and one with me- but my head and liver may never again be the same. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20 and experience a harsh master indeed.

Think I'll stick to coffee and soda for a while.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2005-11-24T02:54:00.000-08:00

All I must say is that I absolutely love this holiday! I hope that all that read this find it happy and stress-free......although for some it might be a tall order.

I also want to extend the offer of Turkey to all my good friends* that desire such of the "Wild" veriety...... For the takers, I'll be at a certain underground bar at 9 PM Thursday ( the less hard-cored can accept an equally intoxicating substitute shot of their choosing..... limit one, I'm not a millionare, you know).

Good luck and good wishes.

I'm not giving it out to just anybody...... so if you just happened to drop by and see this, it doesn't entitle you to much more than a "Who the hell are you?" If I don't happen to know you from say......Adam's house-cat

Yay Auburbama!

2005-11-16T23:15:00.000-08:00

As everyone with eyes and ears may already know, this weekend will mark the occurance of perhaps one of the biggest football events Birminghamsters look forward to. Yup....The Iron Bowl. And, as all 8 of the folks that fix TV's in the region know, crunch time!

This is the week that fans all over town, in anticipation of hosting gatherings of friends and rivals, decide that they have gone too long watching the 13" TV perched upon their unreasonably large and long defunct big screen and order frantic (and often fruitless) service calls.

It's also the week that I have to say, "Sorry, but I'm booked solid up to NEXT Friday.","No, I can't get parts for your unit in time." and my favorite, "Last June? I'll try, but I think your time to file a claim with insurance might have expired".

To all the one's that thought of their needs last week:
Kudos, and thank you very much....You've collectively saved my ass!

To anyone waking up and expecting me to magically s#!t a part on the living room floor and stuff it into their sportsbox:
Sorry, thanks for calling!

November.....ah...now this is better!

2005-11-14T21:22:00.000-08:00

Getting into the meat of the month now, and what can I say? Things are looking up.

It would seem that the slow season has passed in the world of TV repair. I was able to make a sizable deposit to the company account and make certain that I got the backpay I was so nervously missing (NOT that this will keep me from leaving this place as soon as possible!)

Truck has mysteriously stopped swapping fluids (and I do mean mysteriously)....It could have been packing oil trapped in the water jacket of the engine, or some wierdness of breaking in, but WTF! I didn't need that kind of a scare. In all my years of tinkering with machines I've never seen the like of this being anything less than a grim portent of very bad things, now I'm a bit confused, cautiously relieved, but still confused.

Another relief came in an encounter with Miss H (Remember the strange - and I don't mean to use that term lightly in this case - young lady who showed up on my doorstep with the TV, beer and chihuahua?). She snuck up behind me and did the whole "hands-over-the-eyes-guess-who" routine while I was waiting on payment for a side job. Naturally, I couldn't guess who (and as experience has taught, I knew better than to try). She had vanished, didn't answer calls, heck, she completely disappeared for nearly 4 months...so I was pleased that I was able to see her again unaccompanied by an 800 number and the words "Last seen....". I nodded and smiled amid a flurry of excuses, happy enough to see her alive that I didn't feel a need to bitch her out about the disappearing act. Truth is that I had written her off as a lost cause months ago. One of these days, she'll remember to get her TV back and I might see her again, but for now I can be satisfied in the knowledge that it was not something I said or did and I'm at least 180% better off for listening to my internal voice of reason and not pursuing a relationship with the little pixie!

I hope that this trend continues!

I'm back, what did I miss?

2005-11-04T22:05:00.000-08:00

Gawd! What a month.
I must say that I'm more than happy to see the passing of October. Too much stress:

Family stress- a trip to Indiana that climaxed with a panic attack in full view of my parents (I only have one or two of these a year, just my dumb luck that it would have to hit me then and there, reinforcing my mother's belief that it would be best if I just moved back in with her and Dad).

Job stress - I just may have killed the business with those two days off, been dumping a truckload of resumes and aps off, had to cut my own pay in order to keep the business running in the meantime. A meeting with the accountant, "If you fix my TV I'll forgive the unpaid fee." was not very heartening.

Financial stress- had to take on more side jobs as the business fails; if not for any other reason, to make sure I don't wind up pennyless and homeless if the shop tanks before I get another job.

Truck stress- I just had a new engine put in the damn thing last February, now it's leaking oil into the coolant. Warranty? sure. All I gotta do is bring the engine back to Autozone, and they'll order me a new one (allowing 2-3 weeks for delivery). Then after it's installed I should recieve a check for the mechanic's fee..... in about 3 to 4 weeks after sending the final bill. Question at hand, will I need the $5oo for other things in the 2 months or so that it's tied up in the process?

At least I'm not still married........ and have no children to support!

"I Don't Like Spam!"

2005-10-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

Not too sure what the crosswires are between me and Hemisphere's blog, I attempted to post a "next", but repeatedly got a message saying I was just being redundant. Variations in text didn't change the message and refreshing the page didn't show my comment. Seeing the comments on the blog when I checked in today, I attempted to comment and therefore offer an explaination, this brought up a "server not found" at first, then the somehow reasuring message that I am now officially a spambot was sent my way. Had I known at the time that the comments were to be restored I would have continued while I was still struck by my muse, but for now I will accept my inordinate revocation of "next", take my ball, and go play elsewhere until once again I find the combination of free time to burn and inspiration.

No offence taken, I'll gladly let someone else take a stab at the next installation.
Haven't heard from Geisha or Tori, surely they have something to add.

Story Part VII

2005-10-14T23:58:00.000-07:00

"Do exactly what I say and you won't get hurt, I got a use for you!"
Somehow Jhonny didn't find this all that reassuring at the moment. His thoughts again raced;"Man, ain't karma a bitch","I do have a gun, maybe I'll get an opportunity to use it on this guy before he's done with me", "Why are all the walls.........moving?", "Awwww......shit........the......acidiskickingin!".

Jhonny fought to keep his head as straight as possible amid the growing hallucinations, through the haze he was motioned to the still bleeding body of the clerk. "Grab his ankles and drag him to the cooler," said the now grinning barrel of the shotgun. Jhonny complied as best he could as his assailant followed him, now a hulking beast with a shotgun for a head. As he approached the silver door in the back he began to wonder if heaven was really full of angels.......little Angelinas surrounded him, chastising him for what he had become and he began to feel very sick.

"Put it over there", sang the shotgun monster in three part harmony. "Catsup, just, catsup", Jhonny repeated over the chorus of angels as he propped the body against the back wall of the cooler. A band of mariachis began to play in Jhonny's head and he swore he could hear the hee-haw of a donkey. He looked up and the grinning shotgun stuck its tongue out at him. This was just too much; he began to laugh.

"What the hell is your problem!?", screamed the shotgun. Suddenly it was right in his face, puckering up for a kiss. Without warning Jhonny's raging redneck homophobia began to kick in, overwhelming reason and what little rational thought he still posessed.

Suddenly Jhonny screamed, "I ain't no faggot!" and slapped the shotgun headed monster as hard as he could. He watched in disblief as the head flew off and hit the wall of the cooler.
BOOM! It went off as the body of the beast exploded covering him in blood. He moved closer, wondering what had happened, had it been in his mind? Nope, there it was, a shotgun next to a headless body.
"Serves ya right, knocked yer head clean off, faggot shotgun dude!" he shouted.

2005-10-13T12:33:00.000-07:00

----Note: I had high hopes for this blog being only the strange things that I encountered in real life....... But what the heck, I like to write and I've been guzzling coffee, so here goes------

His mind somewhat eased by the smoke, he slumped back into the cushy seat of the caddie and turned on the radio. Jazz flowed forth from the tattered speakers, their cones shattered by the heavy metal that had not long ago comprised the bulk of his mobile listening.
He had played that music for her; despite his long held pride in his sound system, he had thought nothing of the damage done when she had cranked it into near oblivion as they rode together on long trips to nowhere.

She had been the love of his life, but now it had come to this.

Suddenly, lights appeared in his rearview mirror startling him from his reminescence. His heart shot into his throat: Was it the green Plymouth......or the cops?
As though sensing his panic, a scratching sound began to eminate from the box...... a maddening sound that quickly grew in volume and frequency.
The lights drew nearer accompanied by yet another sound, one that he knew all too well; the roar of a fully built musclecar. Once it had been sweet music in his ears, but now it filled him with terror. His mind raced and his mouth went dry as he sat bolt upright in the seat, both hands on the wheel now, knuckles whitening, holding the wheel in a death grip while fighting to keep the slow- steering caddie on the winding road as his speed built.
In his panic the lit cigarette dropped from his lips, unnoticed as the din of his own handiwork rang in his guilty ears drowning reason and sanity in an ocean of noise.......and yet some shred of unused conciousness picked out the distorted strains of Miles Davis amist the chaos in seemingly indifferent contrast to the drama unfolding as seconds passed like hours in his mind.

In (Technical) Defense of The Fonz

2005-09-30T12:05:00.000-07:00

Somtimes you really can believe the things you see on T.V.

Remember how on Happy Days the almighty Fonz, whenever faced with a cantankerous machine, would demonstrate an almost supernatural power to apply force in some way and get it going? Perhaps you've been able to get the same thing to work for you. Ever wonder how and why?

If not, skip down to the end of the blog, otherwise here's why:

In mechanical devices the blow can free sticky mechanisms, a good example is the jukebox; jukeboxes from this era were both mechnical wonders, and nightmarishly complex relay logic computers to boot. A good whack from the Fonz might well have freed a sticking relay, or caused a normally open one to make contact, springing the machine to life...... "Ay!".

Modern electronics, however is a different story:
Most failures that can be "fixed" in this manner are caused by one of two things, ringbreaks and microphonics.

Ringbreaks occur when the solder that holds the componets in, and connects them to the rest of the circuit, quite simply, breaks. The thermal expansion and contraction of the little legs on these devices causes the solder joint to fail, like pavement cracking. A good whollop will often cause the loose bits to touch and the unit will begin working.

Microphonics is a little harder to pinpoint though.
You see, there are 4 basic types of microphone; resistance, condenser, and dynamic, and piezo-electric. Though the parts used in electronic equipment aren't designed to be this way, as they fail they can take on the properties of these microphones, just due to their nature.

-Resistance mics use the variance of resistance with vibration - the carbon mic that was used in almost every telephone up through the 70's is a good example. In this case the problem would be likely a bad resistor or internal connection at fault, whack, it goes into tolerance and things start working......for a spell.

-Condenser micophones utilize modulating the distance between the charged plates of a capacitor.....again, not normally supposed to be that way in the average capacitor, but age and breakdown set in and it takes on new characteristics.

-Dynamic microphones use the variance of an inductor;the movement of magnetic lines of force through the inductor will cause voltage to be produced, If the inductor is part of a tuned circuit it will change the frequency of an oscillator, or the frequency that a filter circuit is tuned to. Other times it just injects noise.

-Piezo-electric mics work by producing a voltage through the deformation of a crystal lattice, semiconductors are the culprits here.

So what does the modern Fonz do when confronted with one of those, "it works when I hit it" situations? First solder everything suspect, manufacturers don't like to solder anything more than just what it takes, solder is an expensive and, of course lead containing substance.

Then hit it again to see if the problem is gone,
next, depending on the symptom, it's time to tap around on the little bits that are involved in what's getting screwy, capacitors, inductors, resistors and semiconductors.

And, being that there's a lot of those >1000 in most modern consumer devices..... it could take a while.

So there you have it, the Fonz method of troubleshooting!

Yeeeeeee.........

2005-09-28T01:11:00.000-07:00

......Ha!

After what has seemed to be an eternity of finding new and strange places that allowed me to post out of the goodness of their little hearts.... or simple obliviousness to the fact..... I have found what might be the best place of all to blog from..... Yeah, that's right.....Home!

The cable guy finally showed up on my doorstep, and now I have that high speed internet thing that all the kids have been talking about( and a few actually demonstrating). What can I say? This is truly a landmark moment as I sit here proudly smoking my Camel and drinking my coffee.

......Ahem......(taking swig of coffee and putting cig into ashtray)

I want to thank all those who got me interested enough in computers again to actually want to use one for leisure:
Zaron, I couldn't have done it without ya, man.
Box, now I can give you a hard time at lightening speed. (btw, where are you working now?
Are they hiring?)
And the rest of you know who the heck you are, so be proud or somethin'.

My only regret is that I now have cable too, so I might be a little too distracted to really do much of this anymore (j/k).

Oh well, I spent too much time getting this thing properly installed and set up to say much more, so Goodnight.

"Um, ok"

2005-09-27T22:26:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not that was the response of my employer to my demand for time off. No panic, no demands, just a quick "Why?" that required no more explaination than, "'Cause I want to see my Grandma, alright?". I told him that we needed to make some changes in order to keep me here, and all he said was,"We can talk when I have more time, I'm on a break" and that was the end of the conversation.

Guess I don't have to quit to get the time off after all. Of course there is the question of this place surviving my absence (still don't know how that's gonna happen) But WTF, I have his blessing to go and I guess that means he'll just have to deal.

What's next? I have some other job options, but nothing that really sparks my interest. There's an out-of-town thing that I really don't care for, despite good pay and moving expense coverage. I've been accepted, even pestered to take this one and the work sounds enjoyable enough, but trust me though, the devil is in the details (some might even say the devil himself).

If I wanted to just stay in Indiana, there is that good industial job waiting - just as there always has been for every male family member up there for 3 generations before.
I've given this one a lot of thought, good pay, good benifits, union wages, living in the heartland, being near (even working with) family.....
But it has its downside too:
Both of my Grandfathers were at one point or another involved in an accident. Dad's dad got both his legs crushed while inspecting a machine (he was a plant manager with a chem./process engineering degree). Mom's dad was a metalurgist at a foundry who wound up disabled for nearly 30 years after something went wrong and his lungs were all but destroyed by zinc oxide fumes that escaped.
And my cousin has already had at least one of his fingers re-attached (he's a master machinist).
Yeah, it wouldn't be bottom-rung blue collar, but wearing a white hard-hat doesn't make you invincible either.

And then there's my already existant side business, all this would take would be motivation and a small business loan to make happen. I'm pretty burnt out on the whole fix and repair thing right now, but this might just be my best bet.

Monday

2005-09-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

Welp, here it is Monday night and here I am, back at work blatatly misusing the shop computer for personal stuff.

A call from my Grandma has set some wheels in motion that I wish I could apply some brakes to.....

It would seem that the annual family get-together in the land of the Hoosiers has been rather quickly rescheduled to allow for my nephew's baptism.
Meaning? Next week (more accurately next Thursday) I have to be in Indiana. In other words, "Yikes!". Now how the hell am I gonna pull that one off? Simply put, I'm gonna' QUIT MY JOB!

Truth be told, I knew that this would have to happen sooner or later, and it's ultimately for the best for a whole lot of reasons.(I know I've gone through the list before, but this is for me, perhaps if I put it in print, I'll feel better about doing such a selfish and heinous thing to the loyal and patient customers/commercial clients.

The reasons I shouldn't feel guilty and just run screaming:
1)I don't own this place, in fact I'm on a salary.
2)The owner has moved out of state and got a job.
3)There is NO one here other than me, and if it was possible for anyone else to be here it would be the owner himself. Not that it really matters, everyone that used to do this sort of work has simply said, "F**ck this" and found other ways of making money.
4)Being that I'm the only one here, there is no one to relieve me for any sort of time off.
5)The owner didn't leave me a paycheck (again!)the last time he was in town, I'm supposed to snatch up my pay from "petty cash" ......when I get some.(A quick sneak peek at the books has proven that there wouldn't be enough money in the account to cash it anyway until I make a deposit.)
6)I have simply "run out of gas" - I no longer feel the motivation, drive or interest needed to run in "full throttle caffeine driven house on fire panic" mode 6 f**king days a f**king week.... and that has contributed to an even greater pileup of unfinished work.
7)I have been noticing that this feeling (#6) is beginning to bleed over into other aspects of my life, and that really sucks. Though I did get a rush of joy (believe it or not) from helping move a giant sleeper sofa last weekend: I actually found myself sweating over something that seemed to be rewarding. And no pay other than the feeling that something was actually getting done was enough to give me a momentary secret fantasy of becoming a mover despite my creaky knees.
(scary, eh?)

I guess that the final shred of realization of how much I have lost interest and motivation came today when a customer brought in a McIntosh model 60 monoblock amp. I remember when the very SIGHT of something like that gleaming chrome and polished steel representation of the pinnicle of high-end vacuum-tube technology would have brought me to a state of ecstacy.....and the opportunity of repairing it unparalled Christmas day type joy.
Today's thought?
Meh...more broke shit to fix.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow...

Thank God it's FRIDAY

2005-09-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

Another week has passed and there's really not that much to say about what went on that hasn't already been touched on in the blogs that preceeded.

Found an undiscovered CD burner in my pile of computer parts, so I think I'll be adding that to my newfound interest as well. That way when I meet another woman that wants a mix tape I can impress her with something a little more technically savvy looking - the mix CD.

I guess I can understand the desire of some women to find out what kind of music you're into, one's taste in music can say a lot about what you may/may not have in common with a person of the opposite sex. But it still strikes me as overwhelmingly "Highschool" and even a little bit sappy when the request is made. Truth be told I've only complied on one instance and that was 2 years and a marriage ago.

Hmm.....what would I put on a mix disc anyway?
Lemmee see....

1)No Quarter - Led Zepplin
2)Mr Blue Sky - ELO
3)Overkill - Men at Work
4)No Voices in the Sky - Motorhead (yes, Motorhead)
5)Instant Karma - John Lennon
6)Float on - Modest Mouse
7)Gimmee Shelter - Rolling Stones
8)The Way - Fastball
9)First Tube - Phish (yeah, I said "phish")
10)The Boxer - Paul Simon
11)Flashlight - Parlament
12)You Didn't Know me When - Harry Connick Jr
13)Godzilla - Blue Oyster Cult
14)Merry-Go-Round broke down - The Three Stooges
15)Rhapsody on a theme of Paganini - Rachmoninoff
16)Creature of the Wheel - White Zombie
17)So What - Miles Davis
18)The Ghost of Stephen Foster - Squirrel Nut Zippers
19)You dropped the Bomb on Me - Gap Band
20)Subterrainian Homesick Blues - Bob Dylan
...................and many more!

Looking back over the list I just typed, I gotta wonder just what kind of reaction some of those segways would invoke in a listener, but what the heck it is a MIX? isn't it? I'll probably have a completely different list if/when the time should come anyway.

Whatever, I think this is long enough. So I'll bid a fond 'adeu' and post.

Woo...Hoo....(!)

2005-09-22T02:09:00.000-07:00

Today was a landmark day indeed, I finally (with the help of a noble, and helpful Zaron) got a PC capable of doing the things that I feel should be done. Yup.......I'm juiced......bouncing off the walls, no less.....

Anyone that has read my previous blogs will notice that I've had a sort of love/hate relationship with the machines called computers in the past, I just hope that this is coming to a quick and difinative end.

For those that are wondering; No, I am not yet blogging from my newfound machine......just the "other place", at least for now, but the cable guy is coming and soon I will have no reason not to simply stay home in the late night and do what comes naturally (no pun or innuendo intended).

Drunk......

2005-09-18T03:58:00.000-07:00

I walked into a place that I know all too well.......
The owner showed me his new pride and joy!
and, though I can't say where I am
I must say I am inebriated and........Dangit, they have high speed access before I do.
Zaron, I have a disk now (98, that is.....)
Call man, lemmee know.

On Getting a Computer

2005-09-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

.....Finally.

As I have been using the computer at work to surf the web and write
stuff on my blog for a while now, I finally broke down and decided that I need one of my own, especially if I want to be able to continue doing this sort of thing when I no longer work here.

"What?!??!!? You don't own a computer?"

No, and I haven't for some time now. (since 2001, as far as I can recall)

It's not that I can't use one, it's just that I really couldn't get all that excited about the internet, or computers in general for that matter. Yeah, I've had computers before:

A Southwest Technical Products that Dad got surplus. It had two terminals, a game called "Lander", and a 10meg hard drive (That weighed 60 pounds) it also had floppy disks (ever seen an 8" floppy?). But it was a beast to reckon with and soon broke down.

That wonderful TRS80 with the monochrome monitor and attached keyboard (actually the computer WAS the keyboard) that Mom and Dad got me. I named it, learned its language and taught it tricks. That was fun.

The less wonderful, but interesting TI-99. This one had a speech synthesiser, and a cassette deck to store programs. Still interested.

My one and only Apple, a II at that, now that was fun. I programmed it to do physics problems and a few little games, but then High School ended, and I went on to college.

Then came my first encounters with IBM and its many clones, classes in Fortran and C programming under the unmerciful direction of foreign grad students that only spoke little English, demanded much, and seemed to take great zeal in sucking every bit of enjoyment out of life. "You read book! Go do!" "Make calcurate pa-ree-gone air-yah! Due Friday!","My office close... You do for self!" Lockup, compiler errors and waining interest set in.

Next was (insert fanfair and ballyhoo) the internet! Now this was interesting, for the moment. I could e-mail distant relatives, buy junk on ebay and send instant messages, then my languishing machine crashed as interest began to wain again, I went about a year without a computer at home and didn't even miss it.

My next machine was a tribute to minimalism, a 486DX2-66 with a 40 meg hard drive, modem and sound card that I scavenged from junk parts. It was all I needed, simple and bare-boned, an internet answering machine if you will, it did what it had to do and nothing more. I was satisfied for a while.

Got married, computer crashed, Me and X got a notebook so she could
"write her novel and poetry" (Uh hmmm....no novel, no poetry, just solitare, solitare in bed, solitare at breakfast.."Can I use the computer?", "No, I'm busy with it".) Brief uses proved the internet to be a slow, cumbersome thing, laden with pop-ups and other frustrations and I simply said "Fuggit" and gave up.

And so has gone my relationship with this strange device that I once found so fascinating.

I'm gonna give it another chance now, before I turn completely Amish.

Standard Political Rant

2005-09-13T21:14:00.000-07:00

"Bush sucks", "Bush doesn't suck", "Democrats suck", "Republicans suck"
It seems that everywhere I go these days I hear the same things over and over like a broken, yet very opinionated, record.

Perhaps Bush does suck....or at least some of his actions and shortcomings.

BUT WHAT DOES UNDOUBTEDLY SUCK......
is the fact that most people don't seem to realize that the Executive branch isn't the entire Federal Government. And by forgetting the fact that the House and Senate (Bodies composed of representatives from every state in the Union) have the power to overide the President and make decisions by a committee vote, we discard the very notion of representative government, in the making of laws, declaration of wars, and aid of our fellow citizens (whether in disaster, or simple healthcare).

So do these things before you bitch about the Prez:

1)Remember that he is only human, and nobody can be right all the time, this is why a system of checks and balances is built right into the consitution.

2)The People have the power to contact their representatives, join lobbys that pester them, and elect other reps. if they see fit.

3)Just because somebody has your favorite animal on their business card (Elephant or Donkey) doesn't make them qualified for the job.
Opinions, qualifications, and agendas still vary from person to person, and some people just suck.

4)Ask yourself, "Do I know who my representatives are?","And how do I contact them?"

If you can't honestly answer #4, then find out or just shut the hell up, you aren't participating in a democratic society if you don't give yourself a voice in the body that makes the laws, controls the actions and spending of the Government, and gives representation in goverment to individuals and groups of individuals (not just big business).

No matter what you think of Bush, he is not the ultimate authority and it's time that we stop thinking of him as such.

Don't bitch......organize.

Planning the Unplanable and Beef Stew

2005-09-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

Here it is, once again.....Monday.
I pretty much had the whole weekend planned out, but as they say, "_____ happens" (and that doesn't necessarily have to be 'S#!t' in that blank either).

I had hoped to make it to the Artwalk, change the oil in Truck, call my sister, revise my resume and sneak into the shop to blog this weekend, but I slept too much. And I mean...TOO much, I usually get a max of about 6-8 hours before regaining conciousness, but strangely my internal alarm must have been broken or something and I didn't rise on Saturday until around 2, and worse yet Sunday.....um...4:30pm. At least I accomplished two goals, I helped Zaron move, and I made a big ol' pot of homemade beef stew:

3 lbs stew meat
2 large potatoes
1/2 onion (diced)
3 carrots (coined)
2 cans green beans
1/2 shotglass Worchestershire Sauce
1 shotglass red wine
Garlic powder (if ya got cloves of garlic, crush in 1-2 instead)
Black pepper (ground) to taste
Lowery's seasoned salt (1 tsp, or to taste)
(if you want to expound, add 1 green bell pepper and celery)

Brown meat in LARGE pot, stir in green beans (with water from can), add taters, onion and carrots along with other ingredients, bring to boil....reduce heat and let boil on low for about 4 hours or until meat is easily shredable with fork..
if too much liquid....drain off into saucepan, add enough water to make 1 cup (dry) rice.

This + Gladware + microwave = eatin' good for a week.
(In smaller batches, it's crockpotable too...8 hours, high heat)

The best thing about this recipe is that even the dullest of chef's can pull it off, and it seems to get better when reheated. Thank God and Grandma! Needless to say it's a change from frozen burritos or 'Der Beanundwienerglop':

2 hot dogs
1 can Showboat pork & beans
Crushed Lay's original potato chips.

Heat beans in pan, coin in wieners, bring to boil, remove heat, stir in chips to gloplike texture.....(better tasting than it sounds), it's quick and pretty much buzzproof.

Oh well, I guess the weekend could have been worse.
G'nite

Truck driver, Tire specialist or Insurance salesman

2005-09-06T23:14:00.000-07:00

......Oh yeah, and the Navy is offering exciting careers in technology too!

I went to a couple of those wonderful job finder websites today, so far my career search and application process has been pretty much analog in nature, but I figured I might give it a goose in the caboose with the power of the Almighty Internet......

Won't try that again anytime soon, I only found one job that matched both my qualifications and documented experience.....TV repairman, and in Tuscaloosa no less.

I have a pretty wide range of experience in various and sundry other things, but... not a lot of documentation, formal employment history, or certification to back it up, besides that, which of these skills/trades do I choose, if any, if I want to shift to another field? Here's a list of examples:

Plumbing (installation and maintanence, but no certs.)
Electrical (Domestic and commercial installation incl. conduit and
breaker panels....even have my own bender and fishtape, but no
certs.)
Welding (Mig and flux....but that was just for hobby)
Auto collision repair (again, hobby)
Industrial controls (limited)
Automotive Mechanics (mostly hobby, but very extensive)
Carpentry and cabinate installation
Refrigeration/HVAC (limited. no certs.)
Custom Audiovisual installation/design
Satellite installation (C,Ku and DSS, receiver and dish)
Technical Education/Teaching (yup..ITT)
RF Communications (hobby, but I do have a couple of FCC licenses)
Business Management
Pneumatics and Hydrolics
Radio DJ (for a college station)
Broadcast equipment maintanence
Billing and Accounts
Sales (consumer)
Technical Writing
Research (the kind you do in a library...not a lab)
Custom tile installation
Painting (Cars and walls...but that's not special and it was hobby)
Computer programming (Basic, C++, Fortran, Assembly....But that shit
is just too tedious to be enjoyable and it's been over 10 years)
Design and prototyping (Mechanical,Electrical,Electronic....hobby and
contract)
Drafting (Schematics and Blueprints, but no CAD experience)
Contract Negotiation
Accounting (no certs here, just when necessary)
Landscaping
Staging, Sound and Lighting (2 years experience)
Commercial Video/Data projection
Floor maintenance
Clock repair (hobby)
Photography (hobby)
Sheetrock intallation and repair (limited)
Telephone repair (consumer and payphone)
Medical electronic equipment repair (endoscope, fetal heart monitor)
Jukebox Restoration
Guitar Amp repair
Custom shutter and Blind sales and installations
CCTV installation and maintanence
Alarm installation
CATV installation
Bartending (once, when drunk)
.......and I once delivered a baby goat(!)

I've never been fired from a job, and I'm a little tired of self-employment and side jobbing in addition to my main job. I just want a standard 5 day a week 9-5 job that pays well and has benefits other than back aches and the need to pop antacids like m&m's.

And I want to decide what I want to do for a living other than TV repair..... that won't require going back to school for what I already know.

Labor Day.....and guilty feelings

2005-09-05T16:13:00.000-07:00

What a strange weekend this has been! A hodgpodge of events ranging from attending a childs birthday party, to "shock and comradery" with an old friend and the dissapointment at getting "stood up" by somone that seemed genuinely interested in getting together (I caught myself actually hoping that some emergency befell the young lady. I know that's mean but.....Dangit! If you tell me in certainty that you're gonna call or drop by,at least return my calls....
even if you just want to yell,"ASSHOLE!" when I answer and hang up on me, at least I'll know that you're alive, or that I can make other plans.).

And that was just Saturday

I went to work today, and so far my day has consisted of a 2 hour call from Mom and Dad, making coffee, and blogging. Yeah, I could (and probably should) use this closed shop day to catch up on the mountain of stuff that I still haven't done, but I'm tired of it all and really don't give enough of a damn to even get started when I know that:
1)I'll never catch up enough anyway
2)My customers aren't calling
3)It's a lost cause and even if I knock myself out, I'll not get any more pay or a scrap of recognition for doing so....Just the satisfaction of knowing that I attempted to patch the gash in the Titanic with a wad of chewing gum as it slips deeper into the waves.

But hey, when I finish this, I'll turn off the computer and be free until the alarm clock rings again. There are other things to do, other women to meet (who might be able to at least act stable)
and another job that'll pay enough to keep me from having to pack what I can get into my truck, dump the rest, and move in with Grandma out of state when this place finally reaches critical mass and implodes. God knows I'm searching and sooner or later somthing's gotta work out.

I just have to find a way of purging the guilt of not having it all work out despite my trying and convince myself that it's not due to lack of effort, but prevailing situations beyond my control.

And that's the hardest thing for me to do.

Southern Vs. Yankee

2005-09-01T23:24:00.000-07:00

Having been one of only two members of my family to have been born and raised in the South, I feel that I have developed a strange duality of character, as the two cultures, while having definate similarities also have sometimes stark differences that vary to degree.

Here is a list of scenarios/and contrasts that may illustrate:

Opening doors for strangers- Southern folk will almost invariably open or hold doors for strangers/women, Yankees, in contrast, see this as something that is reserved for friends, family or women that they are dating. If a Yankee was to hold a door for a unknown man it might be seen as challenging his manhood. If he held it for a unknown woman it would be seen as coming on to her or challenging her independance, either way, he might get kicked in the nuts.
There are -of course- exceptions.

Joking around- Southern folk often make jokes about one another and/ or their mothers. A little poking fun is often reciprocated with no hard feelings on the part of either party. Yankees, on the other hand, generally either get their feelings deeply hurt or simply want to kick the ass of anyone that would make such comments or jibes, ass kicking being seen as the more obvious choice.

Social politics- Southern people will often smile and be gentile around people that they simply cannot stand, often hanging out with them and being friendly to their faces only to announce their displeasure with the folk and what they hate about them as soon as they leave the room, this is considered being "nice".
Yankees, however, don't usually follow this practice, choosing to either leave the room, not talk to the other fellow at all, or if the other person has committed some act or said something about them, confront the person and get all up in their shit.

Discussion of troubles- Southern folk will often tell each other stories about their childhoods, relationships, infirmaties and other concerns. Yankees, on the other hand, see this as an admission of inferiority rather than a sharing of the human experiance. For example, a Southerner might share the fact that he's worried about the outcome of a medical test with an aquaintance; a Yankee wouldn't dream of you even thinking he might be in some way impared unless he had something to gain by your knowing.

Trust- Most Southerners will trust a stranger to do the right thing in most circumstances, like turn in a lost possesion or watch their stuff for a couple of minutes. Southerners even leave their cars running when they run into a convenience store for a pack of smokes or some change for the paperbox. Yankees, on the other hand see this kind of thing as foolishness, feeling no pity when things go awry for these folks.

Lending a helping hand- Most people of Southern raising will do what they can to help out a fellow human. They'll jump start cars, loan money, help pick up spilled items in the parking lot, loan tools and give advice. Southerners will also gladly accept help in situations where they need it. Yankees, in contrast, often regard offers of help from strangers as pity, and might even get offended if they feel the offer is unwarranted, challenges their pride or makes them feel incapable. As far as giving help goes, they're not heartless bastards, but they usually see one's problems as being of one's own making and giving of something with nothing in return as being taken advantage of.

Of course these examples do not apply to all Southerners or Yankees, and the metropoliztion of the South and subsequent homogenization of American culture have led to a mixing of practices and customs..Yankees eat grits and Southerners eat rubarb pie now too.

Hurricanes Suck!

2005-08-30T23:26:00.000-07:00

Having lived through the aftermath of Andrew in Miami, and subjecting an unwitting Zaron to the same, I thought I had seen the worst a "little wind and rain" could do to a place, that is until I saw those images of The Big Easy and Gulfport on the news. Sure, Andrew
was a sonofabitch...and wading was required, but on the all I believe that Miami and Homestead had it a little easier than the poor souls that found themselves in the path of this one, for a couple of reasons - Construction and sealevel to name a couple as well as the mere size and speed of the bitch.

Most of South Florida is constructed of concrete, and must conform to strict building codes, not to trivialize the damages- they were pretty ghastly- but most of the homes had at least the walls intact to protect the residents that were reluctant to leave.
In contrast, most of the homes in the wake of Katrina were wooden, and a bit older resulting in death amidst shattered toothpicks.

South Florida is above sea level, a great portion of New Orleans is actually BELOW sea level, and that's before the storm surge, this was a disaster waiting to happen, what just ran off into the sea after Andrew, ran into the river and lake in New Orleans, broke the levies and drowned the city.

Yeah, I know that every talking head of the television world has probabaly said the same things....But that job opportunity in Indiana is beginning to look a little more attractive....Now if I could convince my sister and parents (who live in Tampa and West Palm Beach) to go with me, perhaps I'd breath a little easier as the next 'wave' leaves the coast of Africa.

Wanderings

2005-08-26T18:33:00.000-07:00

I have increasingly gotten into the habit of just thinking about stuff while I do the portion of my work that doesn't involve talking on the phone or handling people eye to eye.... Yeah, I know that it's not that constructive, but right now I'm pretty much waiting on callbacks for other jobs that possibly won't keep me stressed to the point of freakout, and, let's face it, there's not a lot that I really can do to save this place from its inevitable demise at the rate things are going. C'mon....the owner had to leave and get a job in a factory to support his family; getting struck by an ocean liner in the Sahara desert shouldn't be as alarming as that little tidbit of knowledge...

But I digress from my digressions....

Some thoughts: In many Eastern cultures it is customary to greet a fellow humans with a bow; this is to aknowledge, and show mutual respect for, the devine spark within. However in Western cultures we greet one another with the customary handshake, which came about as a nonverbal way of stating the pleasant greeting, "Hey, I'm not holding a weapon in my hand either!"

Which got me to wondering, 'How many other things in our day to day experiences came about as a function of the white man's desire for conquest and domination of the rest of the world and each other?'

Spiral staircases generally wind upwards in a clockwise helix, so as to give the right handed dude decending the stairs an advantage of swinging a sword or club to better effect than the determined ascender with his weapon in the same hand.

Men's shirts and jackets have the buttons on the right hand side,
with the left overlapping, so we may unbutton them more easily with our left hands while reaching in with the right to retrieve our handy ginsu pigsticker or, later in history, our gun.

Exterior doors, on houses and the like, traditionally swing inward, so as to not leave the hingepins exposed to be plucked out by thieves or miscreants.

And so on to the destructive nature of greed:

Didya know that in the late 1800's an inventor by the name of Hiram Maxim was annoying the piss out of Thomas Edison?
With more than 200 patents to his name, who could blame him, after all, who was the famous inventor here anyway? So our boy Tom gets another of his great ideas, decides that he'd best be rid of the competition, and bribes Maxim to go to Europe, which he does.
After a little while there he winds up going to the Paris Exhibition to show off some of his handywork and runs into a guy who gives him a little advise; "If you want to get rich, you should invent a better way for these Europeans to kill each other."
Maxim takes this to heart and invents a little thing he calls, "The Devil's Paintbrush". Better known as the Maxim Gun, the world's first fully automatic belt-fed machine gun is immediatly snatched up by the British, Maxim is knighted, and countless millions of native people in Africa, and other places in the empire, that were standing in the way of Britsh progress and expansion are mowed down while defending their homelands with spears and clubs.

Not that we should blame Edison...

It would seem that our human nature, and our spark of creativity, go hand in hand. So much of what we know today rests on the bones of our ancestors that simply wanted to get ahead, and really didn't see anything wrong with busting some heads and kicking some asses in the process. Besides the obvious fact that we're living on land that was once inhabited by another race and culture there are some, perhaps less obvious, things that we take for granted that came about because of war:
1) The domestication of the Hamster (brought home as pets by
soldiers)
2)M&M candies (chocolate energy food from WWI)
3)Kleenex (originally these were gas-mask filters, hence the handy
pop-up dispenser box)
4)Space exploration (the Germans weren't wanting to send a man to
the Moon, but they got pretty good at building rockets)
5)Pasta (a good way to transport food, just boil and eat, because
bread gets moldy)
6)The digital computer (To crack codes and calculate trajectories)
......armor, guns, bigger guns, metal ships, the internet, and on and on until we all learn to get along, simply anihilate each other or run out of the resources we need to build things to kick each other's asses.
I, for one, hope we all just learn to get along. There will always be some screwed-up individuals that want to blow shit up to get their points across, whether they're Al-Quada, or some redneck militia in Michigan. But by and large, I think the Idea of "conquest and conquer" of one nation by another for the glory of its King and desire for resources will eventually come to an end.....hopefully soon after the next presidential election.

Well that's about all I can come up with, see ya Monday.

The Jake Brake

2005-08-25T23:14:00.000-07:00

Almost all "big rigs" (that's 'articulated loreys' to some folks outside the States) have a device called a "jake" or compression brake....the purpose of this device is to restrict the exhaust and therefore increase the slowing power of downshifting.

-a must in mountainous areas where the heat generated by constant braking would cause the regular brakes to overheat and fail, perhaps spoiling the plans that some poor Honda-driving fellow might have for the upcoming weekend. Everybody has heard the roar and popping that accompanies a big truck that's coming to an abrupt stop or decending a hill.

But the Jake alone won't stop the truck as long as the engine is running.

By now you're probably wondering,"What's up with the Mr Wizard talk?"
Truth is that I'm going through one of those 'jake brake' times in my life. I'm sure we've all done it before, you just kinda' slow down for a moment and think about what's up and where your life is taking you, slow down because life just don't stop (until you croak).

I've done this a few times before:
a) when I met my now ex-wife
b)when I turned down a non-union job at a union company that would have centered around putting union workers out of work (yikes)
c) when it finally sunk into my thick, love-addeled skull that my marriage was not worth saving.
To name some examples.

Now, I find myself wondering, once again, if I'm heading in the right direction and if I need to prepare for a sharp curve ahead. And if all the abrupt changes/decisions I'm facing in the immediate future are only just the fast downhill before the next climb brings me to the top of a higher mountain.

A couple of things have come up lately, I hate to be vague, but I just want to figure it out for myself, don't worry, I'll blog on the developments in due time. It's just that things seem to be going a little quicker than I feel they should and it's making me a little uneasy.

Intensity Modulated Phantoms

2005-08-24T22:47:00.000-07:00

Hoo boy,
I've been drawing more than my fair share of blanks to post as of late... I went for a wander about what little of the web I could explore on dial-up, and yet still managed to come back less that dissatified.

Yeah, I know that I've got this one on vinyl with the lyrics right there on the cover, but that's at home and I can't blog from there (for now at least). But it is one of my favorites, and one of the few things from Austrailia that don't seem cheesy when cast in the spotlight of American pop culture. If you didn't get a chance to see this played as an opener to 'Scrubs', then you missed somethin', brother:

Men at Work: 'Overkill' (Which, strangely enough, isn't on the album "Overkill", but "Cargo" and a few later ones)

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps it's just my imagination

(chorus)
Day after day it reappears
Night after night
My heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night
from overkill

(repeat chorus)

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
and possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
It's just overkill!

(repeat chorus....and get all somber-like about it, then fade out)

-------------------

One of my favorites, perhaps I should learn to play it on the guitar....

The Moon was full.....that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

2005-08-22T23:27:00.000-07:00

There it was, Friday night and I was in the same mood as when I posted my last blog, after completing those tasks, and drinking a substantial amount of that fabulous exlir known as coffee, I found myself sitting at home with a caffiene buzz and nothing to do.

They say that the devil is afoot on full moon nights.

I went down to the usual spot seeking something to stop the nervous vibrations....and found it, gratis and in great quantity.

"Geez guys, no more, are you trying to kill me! I just wanted one beer, be around people who aren't wanting me to work miracles with cheap electronics, and kill a coffee buzz!"

Then my cell went off....(It doesn't do that often enough for me to get used to the sensation of something vibrating in the waistline)
and when I recovered my senses I found out it was Miss H.

That's when my evening went haywire...

I have known Miss H for a while now and we'd talked now and again, kinda' keeping in touch. She'd mentioned that she had a TV that she wanted me to look at and I'd said I'd check it out if she'd drop it off... but the opportunity had never presented in our busy schedules for that to occur. Anyway, she said she might be able to drop it off in "a while", and I honestly didn't take it seriously and went back to discussing the installation of 2 more flat panel monitors with the owner, who insisted in periodically toasting the prospect of the business deal with MIND ERASERS.

Then the cell went off again..."I'm on the way to your place with the TV now....What you're still there....OK, It'll take me about 30 minutes anyway, can you meet me?"

Suddenly I realize that she's serious, and I jump into action like Batman, I pay for my one beer....confirm the order with the owner and instantly feel hyped and drunk at the same time.

I grabbed a cab, and remembered that I hadn't cleaned the catbox.

Home in a flash, I run in and start scooping the litter and then catch myself, "What the hell am I doing? She's just dropping off a TV...don't be a fool, just add some litter and baking soda...and for Godsakes, drink some coffee you Idiot! This is business, and it already looks bad enough, wash your face, spray some deoderizer and put things into perspective!"

15 minutes later, a calmer, business-oriented-looking drunken fool opens the door to see Miss H standing there with:
1)a 1963 Two toned portable with chrome accents
2)a chihuahua
3)beer

And then things got wierd...
I had already made my mind up not to date this woman, no, it's not that she's not kinda cute, she's a pixie, it's the other stuff.
Perhaps it sounds a little hypocritical, but she's totally random and a touch obsessive compulsive. But we had fun, she dusted my shelves (no innuendo or pun here) and reorganized objects. She modeled my hat collection (I have pictures), Gave treats to my cat (she brought them herself, even though she doesn't own a cat), Smelled all my pipe tobaccos, and commented on the fact that she too has 3 month old milk in the fridge that's about to explode (I cleaned that out after she left, it was that wierd of a comment).
We then spent another hour or so discussing religion and politics before, in the breaking daylight, she left.

Ok, the moon was full... but from now on:

Nobody brings me a TV to repair after 11pm....
Unless they happen to be a pixielike 20 something obsessive compusive woman bearing beer, a chihuahua and a willingness to clean the place.....and then I still might not consider it unless I'm drunk,the TV is a classic made before 1970,you give treats to my cat...and you insist on me taking pictures of you modeling my hats!

I am, after all, nobody's fool.

Friday Night

2005-08-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

Well, once again the big wheel has made enough revolutions to bring me to Friday and, as usual, I'm tired, covered in the filth that collects in TV's, and not in much of a mood to do much of anything.

God, I can't wait to get out of this place.....permanently. No amount of money is worth the stress I go through day after day.

And now it's time to empty the trashcans, shuffle some TVs around, clear the history of this browser, put the paperwork in order and get the hell out......Until sometime tomorrow.......DAMMIT!

The Machine

2005-08-18T23:02:00.000-07:00

I had a pretty wierd dream last night.
I found myself standing outside of the universe, observing the whole thing as though it was a vast machine moving to a single, purposeful end. I found this a little assuring, as it seemed as simplistic as a bus moving down the highway toward it's destination, its passengers being all of humanity. And I likened it to a Greyhound charter on its way to some great wholesome family vacation spot.

Being interested in machines I begged the designer to let me see it's inner workings. Perhaps, I thought, I could deduce it's purpose and destination by understanding its characteristics, design and structure, as I had done before with other mechanisms. The designer finally conceded and showed me the diagram.....and well, there it was, the engine that drives all we know. It consisted of uncountable parts each perfoming uncountable functions and the parts constantly changed in form and function as they interacted with all the parts that surrounded them...these parts were nothing less than everything known and unknown, that ever was or will be.

I took out a magnifying glass, and focused on the least complicated portion only to see a child, who by interacting with a parent changes the parent, who interacts with a coworker and suggests a new car that interacts with the air.......

And then I woke up with the feeling that somehow it may be in some way significant that my cat is shedding..... And even with a diagram of the chaos, neither I, nor anybody else could ever know.

A Chronic Case of "The Cooties"

2005-08-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

They say that smell is perhaps the strongest trigger for the recall of memories. And though I've witnessed the effect of this (My father, a survivor of the 'mishap' and subsequent fire aboard the USS Forrestal, still gets physically ill and terribly shaken at the smell of burning hair), I had never had it happen to me, until this evening.

There I was, driving around suburbia on service calls when, it hit me like a tidal wave. Perhaps it was the fresh mown grass in the decending fog, maybe it was some flowering bush or something but the result was unmistakable, and albeit a little alarming.

Sniff sniff....whoa...Suddenly, I recall something that I never remembered before, and quite possibly kept repressed, in amazing full detail.

It was like instantly being a kid again: Catching lightening bugs, harassing the dog, making mud puddles with the garden hose, and actually waking up before 9:00 on Saturday...for the serious business of watching Looney Tunes.

But these are just the reassuring things I think of to put into context the memories of Daycare, and how I aquired what was then seen by my peers as a chronic case of "The Cooties".

My mother, a schoolteacher, had decided to go back to college for her masters degree, and that meant one thing I dreaded more than anything....after school daycare. I must have been in 1st grade then and my options for daycare activities were pretty limited, I was too small to play ball with the big kids, and the lady who ran the place wasn't much for company, or supervision. So I would just sit there watching TV or go outside and play with rocks or the fragments of thousands of broken toys. It was on one of those days when it happened. There I was, just minding my own business when one of the girls my age grabbed my hand and announced that she wanted to play 'house'. Her name was Ashley, and she had cowboy boots (I remember thinking - perhaps in less eloquent language- What justice could exist in a world where a girl could have cowboy boots and all I ever get are Zips?). She then announced that I was the husband, and the one-armed doll was the baby. I was game for anything that involved anyone other than myself so I played along.
All went well for a bit ..and then it happened.....she handed me a lunchbox and said, "Time to go to work, now here's your goodbye kiss!". I tried to react, but it was in vain and only attracted the attention of others to what had just transpired. Needless to say... I had the dreaded Cooties.

I have to wonder if that kind of innocence still exists in the children of today. I remember my mother simply saying, "Aw, that's cute" much to my chagrin. But would it not be far fetched to say that a similar event in these modern times would perhaps bring about a lawsuit? I dunno...but as for me, at least the ridicule was short lived in a world dominated by matchbox cars, cartoons and space ships.

Ahhh...The good old days!

2005-08-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

I have a simple project for anyone who thinks that this is the ass end of all time, and that what proceeded..those halcyon days of yore were made of better stuff than what we have in these, our own times.

STEP 1: Find someone over the age of 80

STEP 2: Share a few hours comparing lives.

STEP 3: Repeat several times with elder of different race, gender and social status (yes, social status really matters here, since it wasn't until around the time of the Second World War that people actually started to associate with people of other classes more freely).

Here's a sampling of some of the quotes that have stuck in my head:

"When I was a kid we used to see bodies floating in the river all the time, It wasn't that shocking.....Mom told us that they were just bad people anyway, or they wouldn't have wound up that way"

"Look at that, He's got a white girl. I had a buddy who got sweet on a white girl....He just up and disappeared"

"When I was a cop, we didn't get involved with any domestic stuff like child or spouse abuse, it wasn't any of our business and no one wanted to aknowledge it went on. When a woman or child ran away from home, we usually picked them up and brought them back."

"I never really realized how hurtful it was to call those people by that word (the N. word). It's just what you called them, even the preacher did"

"My little sister got the shits from eating green apples, she got dehydrated and died"

"There wasn't any 6 o'clock news, if a kid dissapeared you usually never heard about it unless you knew the parents, and how would they track them down anyway? Only friends and family knew what they looked like unless they had a picture. Even then, if they left town you'd more than often never see them again."

"I don't think anyone your age can even imagine what it was like in WWII, we didn't have body armor, no siree. Everybody was affected, you couldn't even buy tires during the war, and usually there wasn't any sugar, coffee or meat either, it was either rationed or just not available"

"There was a pool hall in the town where I grew up, every Saturday they used to lay a couple of bodies outside on the walk when they cleaned up from Friday night. The families would pick 'em up and bury them, everybody saw it. Nobody ever talked about it though, and the cops never went there, that's just what happened to people that went to places like that."

"When I was about 10 the neighbors up the road adopted an orphan boy my age. I thought he had a great life, didn't go to school, just worked and slept in the barn. Then he showed me where he'd lost 3 toes and told me how they just caurtorized the wound with a hot knife, and he still had to milk the cows the next morning. No, they were all white people, him too. Even went to church on Sunday"

"We thought that the poor people weren't worth a damn, black or white. They were always barefoot, skinny and dirty. We knew that if they and their parents had lived moral and Godly lives that they wouldn't be that way, and we didn't dare go near them, out of self respect and fear of catching some kind of disease."

"I can't understand your generation, what's with all the tattoos and piercings? When I was your age only filthy people had tattoos, I hope that isn't true now, it seems almost everybody has one that's your age. We wouldn't even talk to someone with a tattoo, and they'd probably throw anybody out of town if they pierced their dang nose."

"If somebody lived with a man or woman, and wasn't married they were going to hell, and that was that."

Yup, those were the good old days, at least as far as I can tell from the people that were actually there. Oh well.

Peace, (Hey, if you're over 70, just because I said "Peace", doesn't mean that I'm an unpatriotic ungreatful hippie bastard, who doesn't work and is trying to undermine the great Nation you helped create/preserve... 'K?)

On Surviving the Weekend

2005-08-15T22:30:00.000-07:00

Pretty dramatic title, but now that I have that much why stop now?
Truth be told, the only way that the weekend presented a survival challenge was that it was boring... I really don't know why. I mean it wasn't like I sat at home counting the hairs that my cat had shed on the sofa (a guaranteed time killer). I went out, and was bored by the scene. I went to a party...and saw a bunch of friends in their natural habitat, as well as strange behaviors and unexpected antics.
I even saw a band play that was pretty damn good (local funk band, I still hold the belief firmly that GOOD funk is best seen live).

But for some strange reason it all seemed as bland as two-day-old chewing gum, and just about as thrilling to experience. It's like going to hang out with your friends and finding that they are all supercharged about football to the point that it's all they want to think about (I never really could get into football, Sure the games are interesting...I even attended an SEC school, but I don't know or even care about which receiver made the winning touchdown in the big game against so-and-so 5 years ago, and what the hell does it matter?), only they are supercharged about the same things you usually would be, and you still just can't find the thrill.

I dunno, maybe I need to take a vacation or something. Perhaps I should start dating, or get in on an illegal poker game. Whatever. I just need to get something going that's a little more out of the ordinary..... for me, that is.

Nobody's Perfect

2005-08-11T23:07:00.000-07:00

One Sunday afternoon, as the minister of the First Baptist Church sat enjoying his lunch, the younger minister of the Second Baptist Church, came in and sat at his booth to ask some friendly advise:

Old Minister: What on earth could be troubling you on this
glorious day my son?

Younger Minister: Well, brother, you see....I believe that someone has stolen my bicycle, and my church cannot afford to replace it, let alone get me a car.

Old Minister: Stolen? Are you certain?

Younger Minister: I'm afraid so, and now I'll have to walk to make my rounds and minister to the sick and elderly.

Old Minister: I'll tell you what you can do-
next Sunday I want you to preach on the 10 Commandments....and when you do so, I want you to bear down with conviction on "Thou Shalt Not Steal" as to put the fear of Hellfire into the hearts of your flock and move the spirit of the lost sheep that has taken your bicycle to repent and return what he has stolen or fear the loss of his immortal soul! I'll do the same at my church, and I am certain that you'll have your bicycle back before nightfall Sunday!

The younger Minister agreed, and the two left the diner, content in the fact that they would indeed save another wandering soul before nightfall the next Sunday.

A week passed,and Sunday afternoon once again found the Older Minister sitting in the usual spot at the diner- A look of elation breaking over his face as the Young minister arrives upon his bicycle and comes in to sit down. Strangely, the Younger Minister, appears somewhat dismayed and sheepish.

Older Minister: Glory be in Heaven my son! Another soul has been saved from the clutchs of the Devil! Why are you not rejoicing in their penance?

Younger Minister - looking down at the table- : It didn't really turn out as I planned..

Older Minister: How so? Did you not preach as I said on The Ten Commandments? Did you not Bear down on The Lord's forbiddance
of Theft and put the fear of Hellfire into the souls of the lost sheep?

Younger Minister: Yes.....I did as you said.....but....

Older Minister: But?

Younger Minister: I only got to "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultry", before I remembered where I'd left my bicycle.

Some of the most memorable calls

2005-08-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

One of the things I've always liked about this job, and will miss the most when I change my career path, is the service calls.

Of course, most are of the mundane, fix it type of stuff, but I can't imagine what the day-to-day would have been like over the last 10 years without the thrill and intrigue of getting to see Humans in their natural habitats, not to mention getting regularly led to small, windowless rooms in the basements of perfect strangers (whether they call them 'dens', T.V. rooms or whatever).

There are, I've found, some common categories of service call customer:
1)The rent to own customer- usually the house is furnished with the cheapest furniture possible, and trashed....and amid the squalor sits a 52" big screen. Don't count on selling a repair to this guy, he's in debt up to his eyeballs and doesn't own a thing. Most of these customers simply can't afford the maintenance on their "bling" and even if they approve a repair will write a bad check.....Like I won't be able to tell the State Atourney what their whereabouts are.

2)The "Old Money" customer- These reside in neighborhoods ending in the word "brook", and are perhaps the most demanding of patience, simply because they have none of their own. Don't count on them not to call every day,andcancel the repair before the parts arrive, even if it is only 3 days since you started the repair. Don't get me wrong though, wealth does not always equal 'jerk'.

3)The "New Money" customer- These are some of the easiest to deal with, they usually have crawled up from the bottom of the stack, own their own businesses and fully understand that things don't always go as planned, gotta love 'em.

4)The Little Old Lady- These dwell in homes often swarming with cats.
They love company and will often invite you to dinner, offer you cookies and tell you fascinating anecdotes about children and grandchildren, as well as their past lives... by the time you leave you almost want to give them the repair for free, and though I often discount the fix, I can't help but feel terribly sad when it hits me that they're so lonley that they've spent the better part of an hour pouring out their heart and kindness to a perfect stranger.

5)The High-Tech countryboy- These are often the most fun. They dwell in homes decorated with mounted bass and deer antlers. They always understand the value of hard work and will often offer to help, or loan tools. "That looks better than ever, Wanna' beer?" is not an altogether uncommon quote (I always say, "thanks" but decline because I consider it unprofessional).

6)The obsessive-compulsive- Put on your surgical booties! These dwell in homes with white carpet and perfect driveways. No matter how hard you try, something will be amiss after you finish this call, whether it's a picture that appears a "little reddish, but only on channel 8", a speck of dust errantly left on the screen or, God Forbid, an oil drop on the driveway. The best way to avoid trouble is to look for the brilliantly white driveway and toenail clipper manicured lawn as you pull up.....and park on the street.

7)The Jerry Springer Reject- These are the ones that your momma warned you about. They live in houses that are totally trashed and rarely leave the couch, even to answer the door. Decor consists of broken lamps and tattered flea market finds. Don't be the least bit suprised if there's a gun, a collection of empty beer cans or a bong on the coffee table. Just be cool, calm, and collected....then tell them you can't fix the TV because your company can't get the parts, give them the phone number of your rival and back slowly away! These
are notoriously combative customers and will often fight loudly amongst themselves while you are trying to check the T.V.. The biggest givaways that you might be dealing with one of these are:
1)The broken down cars littering the mudpit front yard - along with other junk and trash.
2)Neighbors peeking out through their blinds as you pull into the driveway.
3)Yelling and fighting going on from the other side of the front door before you ring the bell, followed by silence or a loud "Who the hell's out there" afterwards.

Thankfully these are few and far between.

Of course this is a pretty broad and stereotyping collection of observations.

I've always liked fixing things, but it's the customers I've enjoyed the most and will miss the most. I genuinely love people(which is probably why I could never live in a cubicle and use my EE degree), and I can't imagine a job that could have offered so many opportunities to meet and converse with as many as I have, right in their own living rooms. Oh well, Thanks to free trade, and easy credit....nothing lasts forever.

G'nite

Arrrrrggghhhh!....And How was your day?

2005-08-09T22:56:00.000-07:00

I put in another application today and I can't wait to find out if they'll take me. Lemmee tell ya, this is getting sick out of hand.
Ever since the boss quit and moved to Atlanta to get a job, I have been going nuts... and to think I actually loved this job in the past.

But now, here's the typical day:
9:00am - leave home and go to pick up parts for the units I'll be repairing.
10:00am- run a service call, and pray to God I'll be in on time to open at 11:00
11:05am-get to shop, there is already a dude sitting out front in his car with a 27" Trinitron.....and a bad back.
11:20am-start coffee pot and make a list of calls to return on the ans machine
11:21am-answer phone, dig in paperwork to find status of unit person is enquiring about, remind customer that I'm 2 weeks behind.
11:40am-continue to get call list from ans. machine.
11:45am-customer brings in another T.V., sign in.
11:59am-grab coffee, and start calling.
12:13pm-customer picks up a unit: find paperwork, find unit, complete reciept and log check.Carry unit to car.
12:30pm-finish calling back customers on machine, and begin to call customers to pick up units.
12:40pm-customer calls for status, dig through paperwork, give estimate, convince customer to repair unit.
12:45pm-order parts for unit. Navigate extensive menus, wait on hold for a while and, while on hold, turn on light in workroom and plug in soldering iron.
12:56pm-start to place order amid call waiting beeps.
1:08pm-customer brings in another unit, carry in and sign-in.
**1:18pm-set unit on bench and begin to unscrew cover.
1:21pm-answer phone, dig through papers, give customer status of unit.
**1:30pm-return to workbench, finish removing screws from unit and begin to troubleshoot.
1:34pm-customer arrives with set picked up last week. Says it only lasted 3 days and started doing same thing as before...but only once every hour or so.
**1:45pm-plug in customer's unit to let it test run.
**1:50pm-turn on scope and begin to hook generator to unit on bench.
1:52pm-answer phone, dig through paperwork.....give customer status.
**2:05pm-start scoping out unit on bench...gotta' pee!
2:06pm-dash to can, start to unzip.....Old dude walks into shop and starts Shouting "Hello....is there anyone in here!"
2:07pm-Explain to Old dude that the parts are not available for his beloved 20 year old Zenith....and NOTHING will ever make them available again.
2:30pm-Waddle to can, and begin the longest whiz ever taken by a mortal man.....Phone rings again.
2:31pm-Customer comes in with another T.V.
2:44pm-Customer comes to pick up T.V....
**2:58pm-Go to bench and continue troubleshooting..

-------3:01pm-Owner calls from Atlanta. Once again I beg to hire on a secretary or get some tracking software....He flatly refuses, citing declining profits, and ease of job.

**3:18pm-finish diagnosis of unit on bench, call parts company to get price and availabilty of parts..navigate phone menu...ect.
3:30pm-call customer of unit on bench with repair cost, He wants to ask his wife later.
**3:40pm-begin to re-assemble unit on bench....phone rings.
3:45pm-move unit from bench, grab unit to install parts into,put on bench
**3:50pm-start installing parts...phone rings
**4:00pm-finish installing parts in unit on bench, customer walks in.
4:18pm-finish with customer and go to bench to test unit. turn unit on
**4:21pm-unit on bench Blows UP! sending smoke and bits of stuff everywhere, after exactly 3 minutes of trouble-free operation.
phone rings.....young voice askes if the shop carrys the new Halo Map Pack.
4:25pm-disgust growing....go to smoke a cig. light up and phone rings
dig through papers, find out unit came in yesterday and remind customer that I'm behind, and alone.
5:00pm-It starts to rain..3 customers call to ask if they'll be charged storage fee if they leave their sets.
5:13pm-customer arrives with 32" flatscreen, and a bad back (gosh,really?)in pouring rain, asks if I have an umbrella.
5:30pm-Old man from before returns with another Zenith wants to know if I can use it's parts to fix the other one....I explain that the two are incompatable. Man gets upset and threatens to call BBB for unfair treatment of Seniors. Defuse the situation.
6:01pm-close shop and start service calls
**9:02pm-return to shop from service calls and begin to find out why unit on bench blew up...find defective part, make note to call customer, and reorder parts, tomorrow.
9:20pm-Dilute some of the nastiness that was todays coffee with water, microwave and smoke a cig.
**9:30pm-take exploded unit off bench and check service call boards, make parts lists, and notes
**10:05pm-put new unit on bench to check out,check unit and make parts list.
10:30pm-Look around shop and realize that I'll never.....ever catch up....get bummed out and write this blog

** - denotes times actually spent working on units.

Yeah, I used to love this job...back when I was actually fixing things.

And yet, I still feel guilty that I'm not in the other room working
right now.

Things I learned the Hard Way.... Reflections on naive screwups

2005-08-09T02:00:00.000-07:00

In the past 33 years that I have spent on this green marble we all call Earth, I would have to say that I have done some pretty dumb, yet self-educating things. And, I must admit in retrospect; I should have thought them through beforehand. Oh well, at least I know now what a fool I have been. Here's a list of 10 of the most poingnant ones, along with their circumstances (where applicable).

-Enjoy!
1)A roll-around desk chair is not to be ridden when towed behind a car, The wheels can't take the friction of 45mph.
When:In college.
How learned: Three words: "Blacktop Tattoo" & concussion

2)Never break up a cat fight bare-handed!
When:Bout '98
How learned:"Chomp!"

3)Cat's have very, very dirty mouths.
When:Next day
How learned: Raging infection

4)Tire pressure and type can adversly affect handling.
When:When I was living in FL and hot-rodding an MG
How learned:Finding myself sitting puzzeled amid a cloud of tire smoke, in an orange grove.

5)Don't wear loose fitting clothing while working with machinery.
When:Chalk another one to the MG in FL
How learned: Rip! ...and from that day on I kept my shirt tale tucked in.

6)Never drink milk, vodka, Kaluah and beer together.
When:1999
How learned: Double lung nostril vomiting in my friend's john. Much to the chagrin of his then fiancee.

7)No matter how appropriate the timing, never force a fart.
When:In grade school
How learned:"Stinky pants!, Stinky pants! Matthew's got stinky pants!"

8)Never take food from a stranger.
When:While night manager for an A/V company in Miami
How learned:"My gooodneeesss thaaaat waaas a good brownieee", too bad I called mom to pick me up, she freaked and the rest was ER and Charcoal.Ever had a charcoal shake?

9)Never agree to be a militant-feminist-conservationist-vegetarian-animal right's activist-athiest lesbian's roommate.
When:In College
How learned:Granted, she was a little crazy too, But talk about awkward, no taking your friends/dates home to hang out.

10)Everything sounds like a good idea after a few beers, Be sure to mull the thought over before sharing it with the crowd.
When:In College
How learned:Being caught by the resident manager with the whipped cream. At least it was sanitary, and everyone kept their pants on.

Of course everyone has had experiences like these in their lives, and I'm pretty sure that certain parties will be more than willing to add a couple dozen to my list, especially those who know me well.

Peace out, Kiddies!

Some rules for searching for Ms. Right

2005-08-08T23:33:00.000-07:00

After having a rather nasty little divorce, I have meditated on what the hell I could have done different to avoid circumstances such as those I experienced. What I came up with might be common knowledge, but whatever,here's the handy guide I came up with:

The Rules are as follows:
1)Don't confuse love with lust.
Keep it zipped! Especially at first, you don't know this person, for all you know they might have some crotch-rotting disease. Besides this, just think about what would happen if they got pregnant before you found out that they were Satan incarnate?

2)Find out who they really are.
Talk to their friends, meet their family, meet the ex -if possible. Check out their place ect. Converse on politics, religion, pets and kids, and see if she's up-front and honest. Remember that there are certain things that are Relationship Killers and don't capitulate.

RELATIONSHIP KILLERS:
a)Drug problems- if it's illegal it's a problem. You could wind up losing everything, maybe even your life or future children.

b)Psychological problems- including anger-management, risky behaviors, clinical depression or schizophrenia,alcoholism-Some are treatable, but make certain that she has had conviction to do so.
And stay that way for HERSELF!

c)ANY kind of abusive or manipulative behaviors - this doesn't just mean getting slapped around, but emotional blackmail (all that "I'll love you if_______", or "If you love me you'll_______" crap). Sabotaging your friendships or dictating who you can or can't be with.Don't let someone else tell you what to do, for better
or worse, you are your own boss.

3)Stay objective.
Don't make or take excuses for their behaviors.
None of that "She does that because she had a bad childhood" crap. None of that "She'll get better in time" or "I can fix that" B.S. either.

4)"Love conquers all" is bullshit!
There is no such thing as a "Knight in shining armor". No one can solve someone else's personal problems or issues, and no one can save anyone from themself.

5)You can only make yourself happy, or miserable.
"Happiness" is a choice we all make day to day by whether or not we dwell on bad things or find the good in situations. It also involves empowering yourself to change your circumstances if they suck.

6)KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
If you don't already know, than you've got some growing up to do!
BEFORE you start even looking for Ms Right!
This is the most important thing you'll ever know! Don't give yourself up to be putty in their hands. Hold fast to your beliefs, likes, dislikes and morals! You want a partner, not a dictator.
If She can't let you be you without a fight....or having to sneak around behind her back, just walk away.

7)Make certain that SHE knows who she is.
And accept that warts and all. If she doesn't have convictions, beliefs,likes and dislikes of her own, she'll eventually become self-aware and then miserable or combative..... or sneak around behind your back.

8)No Cheaters!
If you are in an exclusive relationship and she cheats... don't blame the other guy, she's the one who said "Yes".

9)Everybody's different...and everybody's got their little flaws.
Keep that in mind and don't let the little stuff get too big. Just don't trivialize any of the above mentioned "Killers".

10)Be Honest! With her and with Yourself!
If you think you've got something to gain by hiding your mistakes, habits, or shortcomings or worse yet,Your own true self.THINK AGAIN!!
Secrets turn to lies and no one wants to be with a liar. You are human and no one is perfect. If she can't accept that...then walk away.

Above all....You should be happy, don't sit around saying "I'm lonely, or I wish I had a Woman". Get out, meet people...hang with your buds, get in a club or church group. Find like minded souls and communicate! And most of all make good friends who accept you for who you are and make you feel good about being who you are...because you are the only one that you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with!

Gnite, and be happy!

Friday Night Wanderings

2005-08-06T15:28:00.000-07:00

Had another one of those strange nights, What can I say? It started with a birthday party....Ugh, No offense to little sis, I love her to death and was glad to see her, her beau, and the rest of the gang, but these things are kinda awkward for me. First off, I have a pretty strict rule about drinking and driving, only one beer per hour, if that much. Combine that with being the "7th wheel" and hanging out in a Karaoke bar (an activity that to be truly enjoyed to its fullest requires a bit more than a taste of beer in one's mouth). I only hope that they can forgive me for appearing wierded out. Besides, I was tired....dog tired. I spent the entire dinner drinking black coffee before we went out and it was finally starting to kick in just as we were parting ways. At least the conversation was good (what we had in the restaurant and what I could hear over some of the worst performances since the last time I was sober in a Karaoke bar) and Irish got a chance to see that it was actually true that I had gotten a haircut.

(You can just skip to next paragraph if you want to)

Trust me, it had to be done, the haircut I mean, I've been balding..uh, OK....I've been Bald for a while now and was growing weary of having to mess with what was left. Besides, I couldn't wear it down anymore without looking like Riff-Raff from the Rocky Horror Picture show, or the guy who's wanted in six counties for stealing condoms and chiclets from quicky marts. No, for the last time, that wasn't me, I despise chiclets and haven't found myself needing a condom anytime in the last.... ok, it's been a while, but I'm looking for Ms. Right. So back off, or introduce me to someone who isn't a Psycho, drug addict, alcoholic, skank, self loathing, 'separated', or afraid of men in general, and let them know that I don't think it's cute, or the least bit ok, if their dog makes 'wee wee' when excited, any critter that you insist on letting sleep in your bed with you should be house trained. Thank you.

Anyway, there I was, it was only about 12:15 and I was now feeling the full effects of my coffee, so I decided to do a little wandering and see what was up in the neighborhood.
For the unintiated I live in a pretty strange part of town. I kinda like it, but wouldn't want to raise my kids there.
Usually I'll talk to D.A. (all names have been changed to protect the strange) but she'd already packed up her stand for the night and had moved on, her friend is supposed to be making me celtic maze and I was wondering how that was coming along. Singer was out along with some of the permanent residents (as I call them) and I spoke with him for a while. He's been hoping to get a few more voices and start a quartet (blues and soul),and I wish him the best because he's got a great voice.
It started to get a little spooky about then, so I decided to go on down to my usual haunt and see what was up. I said my hellos and spoke with the Englishman. I hadn't seen him in a while, he's been going through a nasty divorce and is finally beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel....after about 50 grand in atourney's fees. Yike's, and I thought mine was nasty!
He'd been talking with Legal for a while and was happy about hearing that things were, by all indications, grinding to an end in the courts. Me and Legal were chatting when Belle walked by and said 'Hi' on her way out, and I made the mistake of admitting to Legal that I still have a secret crush on her (best kept secret from Belle, She's a friend, and a pretty awesome woman to boot, but I pretty much decided that I didn't want to date her, she's not really my type and Chuckler -perhaps her closest male friend- says that I'd be a fool to get caught up in the drama that would ensue). Then Legal got all motherly and told me that she and I would be a great Item, and that I should ask her out. "You're such a great guy", "She needs a man like you","Don't sell yourself short" and my favorite, "She's a very pretty girl"....duh! I might just do that, but then again... naaah, I know her too well and I don't need the drama. Thankfully, this conversation came to an end when Miss J came in. I spoke with Miss J for a while and The Wiz put in a movie. That was pretty cool, but just as me and Miss J were getting into it, Music man and Chuckler pre-empted the show for Madden Football. Me and Miss J didn't know that they'd called dibs on A.V. earlier...thanks for the tease Wiz. Oh well, the coffee was wearing off anyway so I said my goodbyes and walked home, fed the cat, and went to bed.

More drivel coming Monday!

A change might do some good

2005-08-04T23:49:00.000-07:00

Oh what a day!
Ok, maybe it wasn't that fabulous, but at least it didn't suck the chrome off the trailer-hitch of life, for a change. I actually might have an opportunity or two to get the heck out of the increasingly thankless and stressful world of T.V. repair.

I got a couple of leads today on nice, well ordered jobs in other fields;
1)P. Mims put a good word in for me at a company that does sales of Power distribution equipment, and said the fact that I can deal with humans as well as the strange world of Electrical engineering raised some eyebrows. He said the fact that I have a business and technical background might just make me a shoe in for what could be the first 9-5 job I've ever had in my life! Yippee!

2)I got an inside lead that there is a broadcast engineer position opening up at a local station. Now as interesting as the first job I mentioned would be, I can't help but be excited about this one, even if it is for a Christian station. These positions are mostly long dull periods of preventive maintenance highlighted by brief and rare moments of, 'Fix this thing -now!', so it's hard to believe that it's a full time position with bennies, even if my contact (a current employee) swears it is. But if it is (and the pay is good), I just might get some good reading in....gosh, and I won't have to carry heavy things, or work hour upon hour with lead solder, or stay late into the night, or worry about fixing enough units to pay the rent. Ahhh...
Just the occasional monkeylike foray to the top o' the tower to change the blinky red light...changing the tetrode in the wee small hours of the morning....replacing windscreens on mics....making sure that the Peak Envelope Power and Deviation percentage were within the license specs. Man, as long as I could train myself to stop cussing at things I service, I could have it made.

Of course I would be losing out on the opportunity to get another station wagon....Hmmm.... Screw it! I'm puttin' in an app!

Hoosier (great, great, great, great, grand)Daddy

2005-08-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

Recently, seeking disprove my hypothesis that it is possible to have an genetic predisposition to bad luck, I started to check out my roots.
A query of my father (I already have the evidence to support, and perhaps even present a paper on my findings to the Nobel Commission based on my mom's family history), brought about the name of Heinrich Sauer, My most recent immigrant ancestor, and a few fractured details of his life passed down in oral history. And, by searching for details and reading some books, here's the story I was able to piece together:

Henry -as he came to be known by his decendants as it slowly became increasingly uncool to be German- had come to the States, married a woman he met on the boat, and bore two daughters before getting the opportunity to earn his citizenship by fighting in the 6th Kentucky Infantry of the Union Army. Apparently being from Hesskessel (home of the Hessian army), where every able-bodied
man was drafted into the king's mercenary armies was not only incentive to get the hell out, but looked good on his resume' as well.
Under Sherman he went to Shiloh, Chickamauga, Chattanooga and eventually on to Atlanta (During his absence there was no communication - as his superiors could not read German, and didn't want to take the risk of coded messages being sent, so this is the part that didn't get passed down)
Upon his return (a strangely changed and saddened man), he packed up the fam to go west and homestead on the land he was given by the Government. The land proved to be unfarmable and he returned to Louisville where he eventually got heatstroke while working as a street sweeper. He lived with my Great Grandma and her parents for a while and ultimately hung himself (this, I've discovered, is why he isn't buried in the church cemetary - old school Catholicism forbade it).

Dang it, I wanted to DIS-prove my hypothesis!

Oh well, at least it isn't raining.

Vehicular frustrations....and they say her nickname's "T-Bone"

2005-08-02T20:05:00.000-07:00

Only two days into the month of August and I can already tell that it's going to be a doosey.... mostly pertaining to things with wheels under them.
1) Got a call from the 'rents the other night, here's a sample:
"So dad say's that you guys got a new car"
"Yeah, I had a wreck and totaled the Pontiac"
"What?"
"Yeah it was my fault, I pulled out and got T-boned by a
Lincoln, But your dad's using the money to get a Jeep
Cherokee!"

I can see dad's conundrum here, and, granted she has only had 2 other accidents in the last 3 years:
1) she backed out of the driveway and T-boned a car parallel parked across the street
2) the rear-ender in the school zone

Gotta love mom, but I'm hoping that the State of Florida will once again suspend her license and put a halt to this before she becomes the subject of a Fox News soundbite along with all the other sweet, grey-haired ladies that unwittingly reek death and destruction using large, sturdy American cars.

2) Looks like I'm getting another station wagon. My one-handed Iranian boss has decided to ease the burden of long distance micromanagement by selling me the company car. So as long as he remembers to sign the right lines on the title, I'll be the not so proud owner of a two-tone, baby blue over rust '82 Datsun with a flakey seat belt buckle and 3 hubcaps....Woo hoo! but hey, it's got a moon roof.

More drivel to come
Peace out

Well, here it goes.......

2005-08-01T22:08:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to get this thing started...golly, so much stuff to fill out just to post some crap that somebody might eventually read.
I never thought that.....O.K. Truth is that I got a late start, and by the time I finally got to the "posting" part of the program I have found myself a little clumsy on the keys and...totally devoid of thoughts other than,
'Dang, it's late'
'Man, I can hardly keep my mind on this'
and the most pressing of all....THERE'S NO COFFEE HERE (and I'm out of smokes).
So kiddies,G'night...I'll be back with another tomorrow.